Tired!

Walked to the BOBA place

For my daily double espresso 

Boom

Sun is shining

 It was so quiet

Last night at 4 am

I was drinking milk

Trying not to have bad dreams

Then I shopped online 

Exciting huh?

 Cerebral stupidity

That's all it is

No soul

But I thought it would just happen

On its own

I thought the message was the medium

Nah sorry!

 Shit!

The Broken Decay!

On a street in Tampa FL

E. Wilder Ave

Not much down there

Curley Gray lived there 

He etched his name and address

On a 1952 Fender lap steel

Later Butch Green

Put his name on 

 I'm drinking Nescafé Gold

Very hot

With a tiny bit of remaining milk

and some (a little) brown sugar

Outside is GRAY

gray

gray

 gray

the COASTAL LIFE

   Go up to GHIRARDELLI SQUARE

For an IRISH COFFEE

if it's Irish must have whiskey in it

  I think Fisherman's wharf

Was run by Italian and their fisherman 

Crabs

  Clam chowder

Flounder

West Coast fishies

  Jack London

Was an Oyster Pirate

In Oakland

Robbing Oyster beds at night

   And then drinking 

He was poor

 But his aunt gave him money

For a sailboat

  To be an oyster PIRATE!

 Like being at Sea

Cold foggy

Windy

I expect to hear 

Fog horns

Maybe my hearings going

It's been so quiet

The last few days

I trudge the pelican streets

I talk to salt water

I'm wearing arctic sea gear

As we pass the cape of good horn

A street cleaner drives by

Somewhere nearby

The USS Street Cleaner

Still nothing

Everything is still

And quiet

 I had fucked up dreams 

Last night

About people cuttting

Small children into pieces

I mean wt actual F?

I had to stay awake for a while 

So they wouldn't start again

Jeez 

I'm not sure what's going on

 I strangled

The scramble

On a Monday afternoon

Vodka martini

The loudmouth PBR drinkers

Pissed the bartender off 

Putting their empty's 

In the wrong bucket

Behind the bar

And Frank

Sings

Strangers in the night

 

 It's so easy

To get drunk

When you're depressed

And your body 

Feels like shit

Everything sucks

Because you're old 

And don't have a whole lot of hope/options

But on a bright note

Chickens in the oven

And you're starting 

To get hungry 

Eat em

Up!

 The streets of Napoli

were alive

With Cendrars 

And laundry 

and women

Thieves wore cheap suits

and were fat and stupid 

But the pizza ovens

Burned brightly

And the pizza

Was piping hot

Crispy

And delicious 

 There was a moment

But that's all gone

But really 

Don't worry

Friends are friends

Next stop 

Uranus 13

Please have boarding pass

In hand

 The meandering grubsteak 

A thousand nights

In tender times

Breakfast at 4 am

You scratch an itch

A human raccoon

Throws a ladies clothes in a bag

Over a building sign

You gave her a twenty 

But she never came back

Cest la vie!

You got in a cab 

And the driver  

Looked at you strangely

 I'm not looking for tomorrow 

I think it's around here somewhere. It'll show up or if not

I guess it's not that important.

Hah!

 Or was this said yesterday?, wait uh oh?

Emoji emoji emoji-san

 I rode a birchwood canoe

Past the Shoshone. It was cold and I smoked a cigar. I could hear their voices through the trees. 

"Let's get an apartment in Toronto and open a pharmacy."

"Yeah."

"Shut up you idiots!"

"Haha!"

 The Moon had nothing

On me. I walked for days in the shadow of a giant bird. Somewhere I would find the car keys. Charles Addams spoke to me as a child. When all are horrified be the one laughing. Pour hot water on Xmas carolers. The sand of the desert knows your name and will repeat it a thousand times as you pass. Clouds aren't friendly and they could care less. There once was a past that never existed. It lives in peoples memories. Forget illusions the most bizarre is what surrounds us it said on a fortune cookie fortune. I had beef with broccoli.

 Count Crackula

What's wrong wit yo Natchel?

Hah hah 

Another sunny day here

But there's a cool ocean breeze

The fog comes in

And then it goes out

Later I'll wander on my hamster trail

I'm on a hamster wheel

Im a fat hamster

With old man problems

I drive a Hyundai occasionally 

I buy cheap CD's to play in it. 

Some of them I listen to once

And never again

Others have better luck

Better luck than I've been having recently

But that's the way it goes

They can't all be winners

Woot

I dreamt of nothing

No scary booze filled anxiety

Just slept

I'm sure something happened in my dreams

But it's all gone

I sleep with a fan on

I like the sound

White noise? Grey noise? Whatever.

 

 Some people

ride like the wind

   Others

Are Earth bound

    Some most have moments

What am I talking about?

  Send answers in by Friday

 Winners gets a week in bed

 2nd place gets two weeks

 Sold like a rhinestone 

What is a rhinestone? Cheap gem? I'll have to look that up. Someday. And offers coming over the summer phone!

I guess I'm bored.

Ho-hum.

 The fibs

He told as truth

Published as a tale of Paradise found

Climbing over ridges to escape 

The penalty of jumping ship

Was there a penalty for leaving?

He was warned 

Don't go there 

They're cannibals

They'll eat you

But he headed directly there

I guess thinking none would follow

He found them 

Or they him

And treated him as royalty

Young women bathed him

And fed him 

Fruit and fowl

Fish and taro

He lied and said he spent months 

Amongst them

Maybe it was a week and a half

Thirty years later Stevenson went

To see these people

But they were gone 

Empty

Just the large flat stones 

Their homes had been perched on

 A Dream

of the racetrack 

Shoemaker was a rich jockey

But the bums cursed him from the stands

He dropped his racing form

It was time for a drink

But the bartender had no eyes

And bats flew from the Men's room

Everyone in the lounge looked like Chinaski

And he wouldn't talk to anyone

He woke in a cold sweat

The sun was blasting thru the blinds

Bob's dog was barking at the mailman

Woof! Woof!

 A Monster

Strove to reach new heights

Above and beyond

Beyond and above

The street laden snowy days

The raspicacious redundancies of eyes

Grey and dark were his motifs

The individual seeks comfort

The lifelong growth of comfort

Thru lines and stories

And seeking out the most obscure of personage

Once published now faded to obscurity

 It tried the Mojo Hand

The River rammeled and Tramelled via a nuclei

trajectory. It stopped for a dog with mustard and sauerkraut. It sensed the Great Poet. But Central Park

was beautiful. It held the greatest hits vol 2 album. It checked its balance via celly. It thought the East Village or the West Village but ended up in SoHo. It wondered about the different pronunciations of the name Houston. 

...we have a problem. It took the Path train to Jersey City. Its friend had the top floor of an old building about a half block from the station. You could be at Penn Station in like 11 minutes. 

 The River tried 

Sleight of hand

It would make things disappear 

Then pull them out of it's pocket

or from behind your ear

Poof! 

like a fish

Or a piece of wood floating along

or a map of Yosemite

It thought I would be big

In Paris or some other famous city

Maybe Seville

 Bereft

Bereft

Bereft

Bereft

Bereft of hope

     and wisdom

Like a toaster in a National Forest 

   The sky opened up

     And the rain hammered down

Bereft of feelings

  While shopping at Lucky Supermarket

  Peaches $4.99 per lb.

   Instant coffee $10.99

Who buys that?!

I feel good driving on the highway -

Driving away from wherever I was-

I'm outta here!

With a CD in-

  70's Gold!

Bereft of something

I'm not saying

Cuz you'll judge me

Lol

 I played the game

But the River had other ideas

It waxed when I waned

I called when I should 

Have fallen

Fallen for a steady stream

The River ran right over it

Heedless of feelings

The physical forces 

Pushed the banks

To their brim

To move

To keep moving

There was no other call

To keep moving

Downward

 The River channeled ancient truths

It had to take a dump

It went in the forest for privacy

Then it thought it was hungry

It drove to a Wendy's and ordered a double burger

Fries and a chocolate shake 

Life was pretty damn boring

But some of the food was good

It burped as it turned on the tv

The Giants were playing the Dodgers

 The River was reading

Peanuts cartoons and eating spaghetti-O's

It's housemate came in and said

"Can't you ever clean the kitchen it's a MESS!"

The River laughed at a Schroeder drawing.

 The River

Bought a canoe

But it had no place to paddle

So it went to McDonalds 

 The river wears a brown sari 

and shops at Target

It buys Ho-Ho's and a basket of strawberries 

There is no justice

In the dry sky of Norway

 The river flows like a cigarette machine

In Des Moines IA

It's hot and humid 

and all the machine has

Is Carltons 

 I grieved for the river

All things 

The endless flow

Copulating in hotel rooms

Pints of bourbon

And leaves and logs

An old car is dumped in a patch 

Of thorn bushes

Rusty and pieces of old plastic

Breaking off 

The moon ain't coming up 

But a bird is making a hell of a lot of noise

 The mirror was a river

Nah no it wasn't 

Maybe a Roman shield

Or a 64 Toyota Corona

Or Remy Julienne in a tv commercial

The mirror ran a talk show 

Todays guest is Telly Savalas

With a lollipop 

The sponsors complained 

He was too reflective 

I'm a fucking mirror

What do they want?!

The mirror quit the show

And now takes long walks

On Pismo Beach

 I dreamt a dream

We were invaded. Thousands of Chinese soldiers in many different uniforms were pouring in. Chinese restaurants opened their doors to sticky noodle dim sum type dishes. Noodle dishes were everywhere. I woke up kinda hungry.

 I'm breathing in the forest

Of triggered acorns

Pine needles and redwood branches 

Green clover is where I take a piss

Next to the thin highway

Leading to the river

Leading to the beach

The beach is covered in driftwood branches

And driftwood trees

Sand is everywhere 

We can camp in marked spots against a cliff

You can look up and see expensive 

Fancy houses above 

The campsites are right next to each other

So you can say hello to your new neighbors

And be bothered by them at 3:30 am

Clanking around aimlessly

In the middle of the night

A nice young man sweeping around the outhouse

Has knowledge of the area

"There used to be a mill here and a town

They'd load trees onto the railroad

The railroad was where the road you drive in on was

But that's all gone"

He continues sweeping

You build a fire with your friends

And laugh and argue about doctors 

Not getting paid enough

You play guitars and then you play 

Poker for almonds 

But you win too much 

And Wali gets pissed

 I'm not doing too good 

I'm tired

Post Shingles problems 

My left arm has gone weak

The phone droops as I try to hold it

I think I'm fucked 

But it's not really getting me down

I saw a very cute FNP today 

She ran me through a battery of tests 

I tried not to pay attention to her

But it wasn't easy 

I think I'd marry her

In a heartbeat 

She said I should probably

Get a CT scan or an MRI

I SAID OKAY I WILL

I lied 

 I flipped a river card

 STAY! Cried the river 

But it was no go

The trees were calling

"YO Hey you!"

I put my pants on and watched the park police 

do a drunk test on a guy who had been bothering

some people. They took him away.

His small car remained. It was filled inside with branches for firewood. 

We all got drunk and Wali made spaghetti.

 I dreamt the fire of burgundy

I drank the wine of _________.

I steamed the oysters of you know who.

To cease the madness

   The madness of crowds

       Erewhon intact

         We traced the lineage to a worm

   With breakfast

And tombstone flyers 

On 67th st in a 240z

Blue with three teenage boys

Followed by a CHP cruiser

   He spoke reasonably 

 A lake of breath

    Drifting under the algae bloom

Oregon is a rugged vision

 Arrowheads and Draft Breweries

   Marriott's # 12 is the good one

She said about Bend

  Nestled between a J Crew and a Starbucks

The air was crisp and clear

  As we tried to find parking

We had our map and a compass

 I'm trying to be good

Blah blah blip

   I'm flipping out!

Sometimes ya gotta go thru shit

Just to be somewhat okay

   Try not to pay too much attention

      Just let it slide on by!

    It's got nothing to do with you

You tell yourself 

  Coffee is good though

 I like coffee 

Hot coffee with a

Little half and half

 What does that mean? 

Half of what? And what?

Fuck it

   Don't worry about it

Let it go

   Okay! 

Woot

 Desire has no name 

Circular ties running a freight train

Round and round

    You bought the ticket

        The conductor doesn't smile

As he punches your ticket

    Flames rise up 

Screams are heard

   "Those are the trains brakes."

"But we're in the station. We're not moving."

 No reply 

  The train pulls out.

Into the night of the Sun. 

  "You have no tanning lotion."

Something about a basket.

   You take a seat and take a hit off a fifth of gin.

"Fuck it."

  

 I feel like I'm going crazy

I don't know what to do with myself. 

I drink a lot of very cold milk. It's good. I love it but you can't drink milk all the time. 

I had a glass of white wine at lunch. It was on the house because they didn't have a table that would accommodate my 95 year old mom in her wheel chair. So we sat there for fifteen minutes while they tried to figure it out. The maitre'd said drinks were on the house. My brother in law ordered fizzy water. Fuck that! I'm going for cost! A glass of Chardonnay there cost like $20. Fuck yeah. 

It was a Sunday Brunch but most of us got burgers. They were a little fancy but not bad. 

I said let mom order what she wants. Last time my sister ordered her a crab crepe and she didn't think much of it. This time she got French toast. 

We had a good lunch with cousins wife who was visiting.

 I groped a grommet 

  The expense of purses

Handbags hit hard

  You creep!

I'm alone! 

  What grommets 

It's a cartoon!

 Oh

  Are you making this up

Umm 

  Go fuck yourself

What?

 It's goddamn Sunday

Shouldn't you be hungover?

Or fallen asleep in some median? 

 Yeah 

   Screw you

Life's too long

To waste on people like me

Huh?

  You should live in Boise!

I did!

 (For two months)

 G FORCE

Pomegranate 

The eggshell helmet

On Van Ness Ave

at Burger King 

 Preparing to blast off

Next stop

   The Marina

Or Fisherman's Wharf

   You can get a coffee with whiskey and whipped cream

  They invented it near there

   What's it called ? 

 At the Buena Vista

  Not Yerba Buena that's

Mint

  The Spanish owned California 

   for years and didn't know the SF bay existed

   The entrance was so small and always hidden by fog

Not until they did an overland excursion did

They see it

WTF?!

  Fort Ross up north was the Russians fort 

Supposedly they still donate money to keep it up

  A state parks worker told me

He said we call these Putin's benches 

   In 1972 I flew in a tiny airplane to Redding 

from the Bay Area. It was hot. I fell asleep.

 I feel stressed

No cigs. Quitting smoking will probably do me in.

I feel

Like my

Blood pressure

Is

Through

The  

Roof

Complain complain complain

Lighten up asshole!

Nothings ever good enough for you!

What's your PROBLEM?!

(Time for iPad Gin Rummy)

Where's those nicotine lozenges?!

Calm down 

Breathe

Forget about it.

Jeez

 I crafted 

A forensic howdoyado?

  from tubular bells

     Bass Guitar!

      the fog surrounded my brain 

and body 

  like the tri-valley

     fog of 1973 College Avenue

        laughing Official Pot Smoker Cards

From Letraset 

  rub on print

Yer dad saw the card

  said wtf is this?

you said it was stolen by a guy who had dropped 

It in the Fifth street school that was broken into

   Shit gets worse and worse

But not really

   We egged a car one night

The street was so ridiculously wide

   There must have been train tracks at one point

 We could hear the people finding the car

"OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE CAR!"

  The cops came and shined a flashlight in our front windows. We ducked down. Next morning my sister found an egg on the front lawn and the eggs were out on the kitchen counter. 

"I don't know."

That was that. 

La Dee Da 

Stupid kids.

 I took my pills

Did two walks

Took a large bag of clothes to the Goodwill 

Had a nap

Ate $5 Ceviche

and a leftover slice of pizza

Read about Trump assassination attempt

He got hit on upper ear (made nice media event-

bloodied Trump holds up fist surrounded be Secret Service staff and a large US Flag. People chanted U S A!

Supposedly a suspicious man on a roof. They say he killed a bystander. ? Secret Service killed him. News at 11. 

Sucking on a cherry flavored nicotine lozenge now trying to keep the fucking torment of need away. Blah! 

Maybe they could just put me in a coma for a few days?

I'd probably never wake up. 

 I'm a treasure trove 

of Tiredness- I ache with tired

I spit tiredness

  I sleep only somewhat tired

I wake up 3 or 4 times a night

Maybe I have sleep apnea

  And should wear an aliens face mask thing

That makes me breathe correctly

I hauled a giant bag of old clothes

To the Goodwill but the door that said Donations

Was locked and no one answered when I knocked

Fuck it I'm not taking the bag back

What kind of Goodwill is this you can't even fucking take

Donations?

I left the bag on the sidewalk outside the door

Bums are probably rifling through the clothes

"Hey this looks brand new!"

"I don't think this has ever been worn."

"Look at this wool sweater. Fucking J Crew!"

"Give me that!"

"Fuck you get away!"

Bums are having a knife fight over my Banana Republic slacks. 

"You motherfucker! I saw those first!"

 If you can just go for a week

Without breathing

You'll be good

Take these pills

Try not to behave like you usually do

Try not to think

Or feel

Or be 

Anything

Try to be

Like a turtle 

With a shell

Don't lay on your back

I'd prescribe something but I'm not

comfortable doing that and that's 

What's important- that a dr isn't 

Uncomfortable!

 Pirandeed in a convo

of static SEA WEATHER

Clasped in stiff cotton

   with black zippers

     and headstrong rope torturers

   Playing the hand

No one was ever dealt

   a musket of Death 

A barrel of vermin

 A sesame bagel

With butter

Where are my fucking cigarettes?!

Sorry sir YOU QUIT

Not sorry

  Quitter!

Loser!

   3 time CON

Breaking your foot on a shopping cart

   While the world screams at you

To MOVE YOUR CAR

but no just 

Fucking around 

In a Fogbank

SF Summer is here!

WELCOME to the micro climate!

Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl?

Why they sell so many sweatshirts at

Fisherman's Wharf. 

My Granddad went to SF 

And all I got...

 I feel weird

It's 4 in the morning. And I'm Batman in a batcave.

Oh wait no. I'm trapped in a Marvel comic from 1976.

I've got no hope. 

My brain is so messed up it doesn't know why it is.

I can't seem to quit.

I burned my hair! trying to light a tiny cigarette butt from my ashtray. Oops 

Ka - Flooey!

Let it go. One thing at a time. Hair today gone tomorrow! Nobody's perfect. 

More cherry flavored lozenges from Walgreens. 

Keep moving. Forward or backwards. Both are gonna happen. One foot this way and or thattaway. 

I should be asleep!

 When you're sober

and you're not smoking 

and you go to sleep

the night goes by like a flash

There's no awful dreams 

Or waking to mad anxiety 

Mad anxiety so you have to play gin rummy on the computer to put the thoughts of it away

None of that shit

Of course the bad dreams might still be there

I don't know 

I don't remember any of it

But the feelings are gone the awful morbid reaction

just doesn't happen

I wonder what I dreamt about

Probably some crazy shit 

As usual 

 I think I'm a little stressed

Get in line, right?

Umm you have it so hard, pos.

You'd be stressed if you won the lottery!

Get over yourself. 

Drink some milk

Go for a walk 

Lighten up!

 the cadre-motion

   Bidenesque, still

born still

  breathing

 enhanced by a conch

   made into a horn

blown by a Naval Air Force runway

   Pensacola, Florida 

by the graveyard

    Pleasant Grove Baptist Church

    an armed guard prowls nearby pre-school

(No place to pee)

Grandma and Grandpa and even little Billy

Are there

     Who fathered Little Billy?

Was it Tin Davenport?

  Childless philandering husband for seven years?

Or did young Douglas do the deed?

Stay tuned!

Jax Trax!

 There was no sky

It was all just a purpley black with yellow orange and red smears. The sound of birds was mixed with a loud mechanical pounding clanging banging on metal and vague screams and cries. 

I hauled my bag into my back and held on as the ground shifted and swayed. 

"You okay buddy?" 

"Fuck no!"

"Yeah me neither!"

We got in the car and buckled up.

"Let's get the fuck out of here"

"Uh, yeah!"

We drove south toward the Gulf.

The storm had passed over and was now headed east.

We drove for hours until the sky cleared to grey clouds.

We saw a light on at a gas station.

"Pull in there"

"Okay."

They had a generator going and we filled the tank and got coffee water and microwaved hamburgers. 

"Your girlfriend's gonna be pissed."

"Haha well what's new?"

We got back in and continued south.

 Ok it's hard

No one said it wouldn't be

But you're not making it any easier

By complaining

Wah wah wah

You got yourself into this mess buddy

Now quit crying

Just take it easy 

Relax drink some water

Go for a walk

That'll help

 How many years?

Like fifty billion? I dunno but 

a long fucking time

Man has been around like what? 500,000 years?

And yet we're covering the earth with plastic and garbage

In the air in the dirt in the water

We're leaving our mark!

In 100,000 years there will only

be pyramids 

and plastic

Pyramids and Plastic!

 The night is regular

cold night but not really cold

just cold enough to be a relief 

In a world on fire

 3:42 in the morning

Reading Bukowski talking about

John Fante laying in the hospital 

for three years blind

with his legs amputated 

Three years

Buk visits him kinda regularly but 

Fante doesn't know what he looks like

but he likes him because he can talk 

to him about writing

 I'm laying in bed

Knowing I can't have a cigarette

There is no one cigarette

My body is broken

Something in my head has snapped

And it goes thru my teeth

And down the side of my neck

To my back and my chest

Indigestion broils when I lay down 

I'm a mess

 So dried out

dried out

dried out 

dried out

 

my nostrils like the Sahara

Twin winds of dry

I smoked for years

And then started to drink

But damn these nostrils

I bought saline solution

and spray it up there

Which makes it okay for a little while

dried out

dried out 

dried out

 Brief

   breed parcels

in a river

   You are the answer

But what's the question?

 Ah who knows?!

     The sun is today

   Yesterday 

Tomorrow

But there will be night

 When bats fly

  Animals eyes light up

Fireflies synchronize 

  Stars are overhead 

   Telling their tales of the infinite

  But the fire is warm

   And laughter lives with beer

Until the whisky 

 Comes out

Then we'll fight and 

   Fuck and

  Sleep in tents

    Some in camper shells

Some wander at 3 am

On a full moon

  And can be scary when you get up

To go pee

 Moon phased

     laser blasted in a dime machine

What no

   I'm starting 

Or not just let it be

   Close that door

Open that window

  Freedom! From no one

I'm running with a thousand bags of 

  Who knows what 

  It's the standard stuff

  We all got it

Junk in the trunk

   Yep

 

 I was working the counter.

A portly younger guy wearing shorts and a rumpled Hawaiian shirt carried up a giant stack of books.

I rang up the books.

"That'll be a hundred and fifty six dollars and 27 cents."

His hair was tousled and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days.

He dug his hand in the pocket of his shorts and pulled out a wad of bills all crumpled and in a big clump. He set the clump on the counter and started picking out bills.

"Fifty seventy ninety one ten one thirty one fifty one sixty!"

I picked up the bills gave him his change and put the books in bags. 

"Thank you."

"Yeah"

He gathered up the bags and his clump of bills and walked out. 

Jeez I thought to myself rich fuck piece of shit.

About three minutes later I walked out front of the counter and on the floor pressed against the counter was a crumpled $100 bill. I looked for the guy half heartedly but he was gone.

I pocketed the hundred. I needed the money. We had debts.

 Todd Rundgren was a customer. 

Todd came in the bookstore and bought a large stack of computer books. No Paris in the twenties for Todd. 

Todd's girlfriend. If you looked Groupie up in the Encyclopedia Brittanica they're'd be a line drawing of her.

Young, tall, and very skinny with a giant poofy fro-like hairdo and hippy like clothes. She looked nice. 

Todd wasn't so nice. I'm not sure if he was having a bad day or if rock stars just don't talk to bookstore clerks. 

I was helping him at the counter and I asked him if he still had Eric Clapton's guitar from Cream.

He made a face and said nastily "Of course I do!"

Huh (later he sold it)

I had to call in his credit card because he was buying so many books.

The operator after hearing the name said "I probably should have said Hello, it's me."

Haha

 They hired me as a clerk in the bookstore.

I forget how much they paid but it wasn't much. Maybe $7 an hour? Maybe less 5.50? Anyhoo

It was a new bookstore across the street from the Embarcadero Center. The main bookstore was a famous technical bookstore on Market St that had been there for years. They had decided to open an adjunct bookstore  in the financial district so business types didn't have to walk ten blocks to shop. 

The manager was transferred from their Modesto location. She was cool and kinda laid back. I guess the Modesto store had been a success so they moved her to the big city. 

Most of the other clerks were weird brainiac types who were into obscure writers I'd never heard of. 

"You've never heard of J. Z. McFlintlock?! OMG wtf?"

"Yeah I like Larry McMurtry. I think he was the inspiration for Kesey's character McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Kesey had participated in Stanford Psychedelic tests which I think was also an inspiration for the setting at a mental institution. Tom Wolfe's book is a pretty great telling of Kesey and his Merry Pranksters!"

"Oh you should read Esther Grimey! She is dark!"

"Huh"

The shipping clerk in the basement had an encyclopedic knowledge of movies. It was incredible. He could go on for hours about minor characters in B films from the thirties etc. I was like what are you doing in the basement? You should be teaching film or writing a book!

The assistant manager was a very straight non literary type who was all business. He had a French wife and he used to bring large bags of popcorn that he created custom seasonings for. 

The manager had to deal with the district manager who was a short little bossy man who came around occasionally and complained. She grew to dislike him. I always wondered if they'd had a relationship before. It was weird. 

I was into Paris in the twenties around then and would order books from that time to try to sell. I'd make a display of them but nobody bothered. Computer books were the thing. DOS, How to Write C++, Fortran. Buzzoring!

On my birthday the manager took me on a ferry to Sausalito and we got drunk. We had a good time but we were gone from the store for hours. When we got back the district manager was there and he was red faced with anger.

"Where have you been?!"

Later she told me he could fuck off. Lol

 In 1985

We had moved back to SF after spending three months on the cheap riding night trains in Europe and seeing great art in the Museums of the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Italy, France & England. 

I applied for a job at a bookstore downtown after seeing an ad in the want ads. I'd worked in the photo industry as a custom photo printer at a bunch of different labs. Santa Cruz's Film Stop at 44th Ave and Hexco on Laurel street. My first job was in 1983 at the New England Color Lab in Lynn, MA. I'd studied photography at college and had a degree in Studio Art but more importantly I'd worked in the darkroom. I was hired on the spot. I was trained by the guy in the darkroom next to mine. He spent most of the training bitching about the other people who worked there. He took me to a sandwich shop and I had my first Hero sandwich - like a submarine sandwich, with oil and vinegar meat and cheese. I'd never had anything so good. Yum!

One day he got me stoned at lunch and that didn't go so well.

Banging on the door.

"What are you doing in there?!"

I guess I'd spent a long time doing some test prints.

"Um I can't remember what I'm doing."

WBCN was blasting J. Geils from the radio in my dark room. 

"My memory has just been sold, my angel in the centerfold!"

No more getting stoned at work for me.

 Spent casings

scattered in the hallway

"Looks like another shooting"

"Look at the blood! Goddamn!"

"We better call the police."

"No. We better get the fuck out of here right now."

Three blocks down the street we saw a cop car go speeding by lights on siren blaring. 

We went to Roy's at 23rd and Lincoln and it was cool and dark.

"No bloody Mary's."

Jimmy laughed.

 

 My dreams

 In a practice 

   mode with a pitchback

In a guinea pig backyard

 A half block from the school

I cried 

because I didn't want to go to school

Mom said I was our least interested student

And would, given a chance,

spend every day at home

But I got used to coming home

for lunch to fried egg sandwiches 

  

 

 I need water

Ice cold water

To drown myself

To feel the numbing cold

To feel the bubbling lack of air

To escape this stupid useless bullshit

Or maybe just a glass

Of ice cold h2O

To snap me out of it

 Time strays 

   a lampoon 

of days ( 

  Splayed

   with further notices 

bodices

   And Beehive 

eyes

   In the mmm

woods

  dirty socks 

  With those little pointy things

)what are they called?(

Stuck to your socks and 

    sneakers

Anyhoo Farley Mowat

  (Our short legged dog)

used to get them in 

 his dick 

Poor Farley!