baroney news
    

             the presto mountains

 luxury pencil points
    & LUXE
     

     derivatives inbreeding
        in

               perp school


        red wagons
                   the dirt of the dirtiest
     

          check list
              iphone
              dog
               new backpack
               skateboard
                new sleeping bag
                new sleeping pad
                dirty dirty clothes
               check!

 fauxmeless
   gnomeless
     showmeless
          
         some of us just fucking have to get to work
   
                               spring break doing heroin
                    with travelers

    there is water
here is water
 

           there are mountains
  of pesto


            there is sky

    and bushes
  and rock forfucksake

      rucksake
       rucksack
       

                             
                     

crow cackle
  hot sky
     slight breeze
        bourbon from the night
            car dead on the street
                  feet itch
                     no matter
                         










          

bio - morphic imprimatur
 cascading by hatchet blows
    pinioned and streaked
     callused palms and palm hearts
we settled for less
  the sky was the same
we hitchhiked or
  walked
     we smoked cigarettes and
 played cards
there was a life worth living
  out there somewhere
in the meantime
  we told jokes
   and watched tv

    

something sank
it was in Big Sur
  the cars were too fast
and the campground was
dug in to the side of a hill
 after hiking for five hours
we were set upon by
tiny flies
every leaf around us had been eaten
between the veins
it was a forest of lace
a dude coming back down said
he couldn't find the springs
another guy was hiking barefoot
  a beautiful young woman arrived at the springs with her dog
she worked in the town and hiked up for the day 
seventeen miles
 the sun was beating through the leaves

attack of the fucked up
harbinger of bad automotive experiences
 dirty stuck
hot and sweaty
waiting for a tow

We rode the Big Dipper
- and i fucked up my back
 Big sign- Do Not Ride if you have neck or back injury
  there was no way I wasn't going on the roller coaster
Course I didn't ride any of those others-
- I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but
I don't even recall seeing it
  I drank a Foster's Lager
had a cheeseburger
and then a corn dog
they dip them right there
- median age at the boardwalk? fifteen?
 It was a hot day
I think I got a little sunburned
 

too many jokes
  - i've just about had it
there was a time
now, is the
 well, no
you
set upon
the idea like it
was a burning pile of cat poop
 - doorbell ditch as a career ? seems like it
sometimes
  throwing clods of dirt
at signs and stealing candy bars
   yes I stole some bikes
but I didn't leave them laying out
who did that?
 I know your mom teaches at
Jackson
she's a bitch
    no i never stole any bikes
I bought a brand new Schwinn Varsity ten speed
brown
 who doesn't eat candy?
  Tim Clary could ride a wheelie the entire length of the blacktop
no there weren't any blacks at our school
I think there were three in high school
  We used to ride bikes at the pit
enduro style
 

A storied swath of miscreant mis-deeds
 - ending the polemics with
 borrowed facial recognition
the tv is on
    soft soft
      borrowing
-like the sandbagging
pi r squared
   measure the circle
in slow motion
     another face in the shadows
waving to the crowd
 

circadian bi-ennial
    frost relief
                sturm und drunk
and
sleep
  sleep 
        stoic barrier marker
   relief
  some say
 hey

 you're not a native tongue
       so sleep sleep
      balmy brigade
 of newsworthy tonsillitis
     the little factoids in each
of us
    sleep sleep sneeze
till your back hurts
      get a stand up job
 selling tooth enamel to eskimos
            are you Inuit?
 totally, dude
       the witch has stolen a revolver
from the shoshone shoeshine man
                         sturmin' and drinkin'
with the fire bonnet
of love
 tied to your privates
      you can sing
  the tooth song
               in the native tongue
 bye bye sleep sleep
   the pathways are marked
           with shells
                 and bones
                       to the fire bonnet lodge
            you wore your stripes out
trying to speak with a grizzly bear
   who would not listen
         your native tongue was a bassinet
        some never could speak too well
but the torch was lit
and you danced
the fire bonnet dance
 now
   sleep sleep
  or close your eyes

  

smoke-free dissonance
  in eighties miles davis LP's
         the reedy aluminum piping
      sound
pounded by synth washes
      electric drum sounds
humbuckers shreding 
        "You have the right to make one phone call
so you better shut up!"

I meant to be free
free from all of that
all of that
ugly
sad
dusty
worn out
yesterday-
actually, no,
I was in love with it
it was now
that was/is/are/am/she so
no, not even that
now
N.,
O.
 not that
 just me
 really
"biting the apple
that keeps the doctor away"
tearing the demo-walls down
breathing the plaster demo dust
there's a hundred mini motorcycles
in an abandoned store
on a major Oakland thoroughfare
the trees are beautiful
strange medieval
  architectural fittings
strange streets at irregular angles
obtuse
and auto dealers
  you ran for the early morning train
and fell on your face
right in front of me
and really started to cry
 hands scraped
and then you recovered
and ran off
   and I felt bad
but I went and got coffee
at Starbucks



 

Baffled by the brocade-ian
mephistophferfrees
calamity-driven
hyphen addicts
 still you have to
            get down on your knees
and play with the dirt
play with dump trucks
I'm baffled again
by your love of order
  and the need to see
the bull hockey
mountains
  well I can't see it for you
as hard as I try  and try
    but you are astern
  asserting your assets
stop sweet earth mover
your smiles are enough
and when you laugh
I already feel better
 I wouldn't lie to you
  -it was a wooden roller coaster that hurt me

   

barometric
   brou hah haa
      broken
effigy
effigy
effigy
    you
too?
   screwed
by the zoo
    antelopes
 and horney wildebeasts
  barometric brosephus
  unbridled
    ass for a hole in the
hay
   swing out now
     sing it out
 stay where you are
 hands are stretched
 sounds like
 three letter acronym
acrimoniously
 arbiter
 of steep sidewalks
    and the sun beats
down off that building
     water the
 poor
 sleeping bastards
 they are without
    money is for rich people
  drugs drugs
drugs
and cartel morning blues
   the dogs are searching
 barking
yowling
  azu-eeeeee!
    no not those dogs
dogs of streets these
  happy dogs
   roll over
 good dog
       three letter acronyms
D O G
  huh? so what is it
 I don't know
 I'm just typing
hyphen parentheses quadtations
 I'm lost in the Remington
 typewriter ribbon blues
  ya never touched one
 did you?
    but put up a stand
 Lemonade poetry for sale
  my business model
if life hands me lemons
 when did lemons get such a bad rap
"they're souuuuuuurrrrr"
and this coffee is HOT
     so make poetry
 on a sunny morning
 or turn off your brain
relax and
fuck , maybe?
   I need some new jeans and socks
 sway back to Muddy Waters and the Rolling Stones
 unzip that shit
 and sum it up
with a lost hill of backhill
wandering
  yers is the path
yours is the path
 this path is yours
yearn for naught
  too stern and taut
  throw it asunder
throw no one under the bus
 oh ye of non short bus life
what made you so special?
  just a thought
just a thought
in my head
 just something I thought
that's all
no big deal
 in my head
 there's some one out there who cares
there's a pile of lumber in the backyard
all for naught
yeoman
 steadfast
friend in
foul weather
   fuck all
 all for naught and
i found a loose tick the other day
after coming back from the
ocean
of all places
 maybe it was poison oak, right?



  

 John Barleycorn (Must Die)
Written By Jim Capaldi/Steve Winwood



There were three men came out of the West,
Their fortunes for to try,
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn must die.

They've ploughed, they've sown, they've harrowed him in,
Threw clods upon his head,
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn was dead.

They've let him lie for a very long time,
Till the rains from heaven did fall,
And little Sir John sprung up his head,
And so amazed them all.

They've let him stand till midsummer's day,
Till he looked both pale and wan,
And little Sir John's grown a long, long beard,
And so become a man.

They've hired men with the scythes so sharp,
To cut him off at the knee,
They've rolled him and tied him by the way,
Serving him most barbarously.

They've hired men with the sharp pitchforks,
Who pricked him to the heart,
And the loader he has served him worse than that,
For he's bound him to the cart

They've wheeled him around and around the field,
Till they came unto a barn,
And there they made a solemn oath,
On poor John Barleycorn.

They've hired men with the crab-tree sticks,
To cut him skin from bone,
And the miller he has served him worse than that,
For he's ground him between two stones.

And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl,
And he's brandy in the glass;
And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl,
Proved the strongest man at last.

The huntsman, he can't hunt the fox,
Nor so loudly to blow his horn,
And the tinker he can't mend kettle nor pot,
Without a little Barleycorn

 

Rene M.  Paris 2013

Santa Cruz
  was the same and yet not
we commented on the things
that we didn't recognize
  I enjoyed the boardwalk
    ate a burger
  drank a Foster's
 and then had a corn dog
     the roller coaster nearly did my back in
     took a picture of Dane in his orange pants and green sweater
surrounded by the mass of people
 and signs for popcorn
cotton candy 
     chocolate dipped bacon
thats a thing now
Cam took the dogs to a park instead
   afterwards I could barely walk
     fucked up my back on the roller coaster
 Then we went to the Saturn for Chocolate Madness
    but I had a beer and chips with a tiny little bowl of guacamole
Chef Tong's now long gone
   Szechuan food so spicy sweating and
drinking water
it was at the old bus depot
  later the earthquake ruined the garden mall
never was the same
  we drove by my dad's old house at 118 2nd ave
I yelled for Blanca Miller out the car window
 no sign of her
    just a fat old man on the next house's second story deck
 looking at us
I waved

The Jicks at Slim's

down by the GREEN

   type MACHINE
         hup hup hup
You should reach out 
     Say it like you mean it
      and where nicer shoes are required
        BUSINESS ATTIRE
only in
  TRC comstat seventeen
 this is no easy mobility issue
this is the reason
this time
   My car was parked
on G4
  I think I need to go for a walk
follow the equations
 tab tab tab
   remote barriers of hard to reach data
is there a Starbucks near here
 next to the dead letter office
 do not go in there
 down the hall from the vending machines
there's a guy who is lifting weights by the window
He's an Excel guru
  but he's a real shit stick
      Hup hup hup
  we believe the future holds the future
 Hup hup hup
   building the builds that build the buildings
and billing for it
         hup hup hup
Mike and whatshername got married
didn't you party with her one night?
   hup hup hup
  I don't feel so good
   Comstat seventeen has a new policy
but no one will tell you what it is
sorry you had to go through such an ordeal
 "Being kidnapped is an ordeal, this was about getting A REPLY FROM HR."
        hup hup hup
Your CFR is due on Tuesday
but get it to me today
       hup hup hup
 the ergonomist said you should lift these boxes and then
lay down
  you can apply for leave only if you fill out EVERY form
but we don't have copies of a few of them yet
   cc Troy
 he believes in the Actualization of the Human Spirit
he said so in his company blog
but he doesn't respond to emails or phone calls

 HUP HUP HURP
   error 73: file is locked
(not processing)
haha TPS reports, right?
 red stapler
see the thing is

why does the dishwasher say clean when the dishes are still dirty?
thats a bridge too far for most
now you can write on the kitchen wall
no weird "jokes", PLEASE.
  hup hup hup
    you can only walk up
elevator to go down
  between certain floors
Building rules
  FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
ERROR LOCK FILE
 hup hup hup hu
 

creature of the bloodlust
  sucking up to the
signs in the worn out
basketball arena
there was a riot here three years ago
fourteen people
 were taken to the hospital
the team mascot uniform
has still not been recovered
   one police officer
was seen beating an elderly man
   with karate chops
 

Immense impracticalities
the bulwark
of blubbity blub blub
and faux
fark sticks
  the daring doo runs
 of phlegmatic Brits
in pink undies
  castigating the fol de rol
of French politics
 though unbridled
the bit is chomped  and
  the chances of a farm in
a provincial picadilly
 of say Kenya
 are not without a distant allure
  albeit remote
 flights
in the bush
  are hardly safe
 have another gin and tonic
 and squeeze the throttle
 don't bite your fingernails
it's a sign
that you're a perfectionist
 

the sun broke
  the eyes
 and I
stood on my heels
   in lateral
edges
  there was a sharp reminder
 and where was I?
   still the same
it seems
 such distance
 much space
neo Doge's palace
  with border collies
and long noses
 and fur
coats
 on the fur coast
  so much time now
and all that
 like a lightning storm
  or the medallions
on the roof
 
 

I couldn't see
the response
 to the flooded basement
  or that time you thought the pipes froze
 I couldn't see the receipts
 for all your breakdowns and
traffic accidents
  your car was impounded
I couldn't see that
 I couldn't see
I just couldn't
   or when you cut the cord to the blinds
and the window broke
I didn't see who came to fix it
 or when you threw your shoe
at the policeman
and they dragged you into custody,
I did see that!
  

some lazy
   fried eggs
 and a banana daquiri
   i'm yearning for the sun
and the sand
 
  I could
 I would
 I should
    ah
 wtf
  who are you!

 I'm not going
 to your house
ya piece of dried turd
so eloquent
   and yer
 a jerk to boot
  learn to behave like an adult
and stop fucking around with people

Peru
clambake
    mired  in Joycean
rumbletypegs
    klap klap klap
slip
the five through the gate
you were wounded in the war
  so just fishing now
and watching the bulls
  time to go to work
 but first the doctor's office
listen to the sound of my heart
    you really should get some help

  

there was no response
to the Iced Chai Tea text
but ya know whattaya want?
I wore my sunglasses
 and met a guy from the Netherlands
who was with two dogs
  one was a pointer mix
with a beautiful brown and white coat
the other was an australian sheep dog
 with a very fluffy coat
I just needed to get out of the house

my eyes are red and scratchy
    sneezing
 itchy nose
      means one thing

HAY FEVER
 so there's that
  

fountain street pace maker
walking forward
    the river is not here
 this is not where the flies buzz
    but you wore shorts
 and onitsuka tigers
camera phone chai tea latte
spine-o-rama
 travels down your skin
 busted for vending without a license
30 days or 300 dollars
neither seemed like a particularly good deal
    someone needs a ride to Portland
 just no smoking in the car

the jack straw of burberry street
   wore corn husker shoes
 he spit in a can and swore he'd never
be the same
 even as you held the pistol to his head
go down the alley now
  behind the garbage cans
there's a skinny dog
and you can sleep on the beach
 look at the women
in their bathing suits
  you stole a woman's hand bag
and ended up doing six months
  learned how to whistle
for the rafters
  and grifting's no future
don't blame the white walls
 lay down in a shadow
and wait for the noonday sun to pass

by the front door
of your perrenial persuasions
 striped pants
and a rubber bracelet
 you farmed the the third quadrant
mailed yourself to the past
 you're a lost cause
and you blame others
  but the cards came up
   the roses were eaten by aphids
and a peso is still a peso
no matter who gives it to you

toucan
 rubenesque
   small highway
and bad movies
smoking in bed and drinking coffee
from a can
border life
profit sharing
 moving to the sun
  staring at the dust
 with packets of seeds
 and trips to the mission
some fellas are smarter than that
right Dobbsy?

BLAST 

the comic 

   cartoon 

                    CRASH 

 the tv  

        coyote 

                         BOOM

 the heckle 

    and the Jeckle 

                                    SNAP 

                                        the Speed Racer 

                                   "SPEEEDDYYYYY!!!" 

      

                                                        KER-POW 

     

                                                      Chimpanzees in costumes 

       driving go karts 

    eating sugar POPS 

      

Junk O 

                  Boyardee

                   deviled ham

                                    PEPPERIDGE farms

            toast 

 with blackberry 

          JAM 

       

     and BLACK 

                             coffee

             

    

 

 

semantics

 sycophants 

cracking the   

th thhthth 

   thr thraacking 

  with thth th

stacked   

 and tracked 

       flower like  crow precision

          thusssssssss

  esssspressssssssyyyyyohohoh 

did you?

    reachhhhhhhhhh? 

unhhh

   how about that cable 

 vision 

                    microscope 

            phone call? 

                            we can't let you 

        ththththanks 

 againnnnn

         Theres a good answer for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 in the binnnnnnin the bin 

try it againnnnn 

                                 and thanks

I caved 

 to the marketplace 

               fumbled with grapefruits

                  and pasteurized milk

      solemn Cheetos worship

                   the cheetos warship

I set my cart to stun

              t'was no comic con

    in san freakin diego

             woebegone 

   for days of Aragorn 

                                 no wait,  Sergio Aragones

            now I have hay fever 

                    and my eyes are all red

                                   and scratchy

                                                     and Starbucks seemed like klingons 

                                    Herman would be disappointed  

                   but he didn't let the truth get in the way either

                

                         

dystopian meringue
     folly-ed with post articulate mambo
          dancers,
                  featuring Marv Albert on
                         back biting
                                some miracle of Hollywood
                                      producing Washington D.C. swamp like summer
                                             creatures gnashing their teeth
                                                    pulling at the end of their masters
                                                           chains
                                                                living to cause strife
                                                                       racist, and anti - humanity
                                                                             jacking off in front of      
                                                                                      the television 

Etruscan parasilic
 cantilevered 
 down the alley
    storming recyclables
  and swearing
    theres a mystery in
them parts
     try hoh
try hee
genderific
   particle
 pebbles
    bro- hadean
minority
 persuasion
       chi
 based
    expletives

thou art
thy seeketh
    thine manner
 beseech thee
 and thee
 I and I
 and thee and thou
 speaketh flesh
   praetorius derive
from silver ring
 and the head of the bull
  to Spain
  and Algeciras
Julia Traducta
  and Tarifa
  scan the sea
 for the signs
    for the seas
 black ships
 on the shore
     coins fallen
to the waves
lay by the first
  and sweep
until the hills are
 no more

snark
     snark
   stiggle pop

earth destruction
  Imminent

    ka boommeeeee
ouch


          the old end is nye
your old end is too near
move that thing!

   

  titan is a methane sea
phoo stahhnnnkeeee

  pancakes were a lie?

say it ain't so
Charlie Murphy

 

   
     

Jim/Dale/Fire/Plant

smacky the boo 

 head 

 stuffed a two by four  in his pants 

and shuffled 

 down to find a non numeric classified female

 "that guy's an asshole"

       a stormy sharknado was brewing in his pantload

"better clean up this mess before I go 

      snag some puss"

          " zippity doo da zippity ay"

                                                             he whistled as he scrubbed the mold from the front of  the bed stand. 

               

            

     

Do you know where this poem came from? If so call 1-800-LST-POEM.

mezzo loa
perfidity
  lunamatic
    erudition
        insta-dent
         chromatic
persuasions
 sound bite
susies
 simplist
 fornifiers
    redundant
assemblages
time bound
   flagellists
what else?
   

(removed)

Dave in the backyard   Berkeley, CA 2014

  New York, NY 2013

smoking in bed
is probably not a good idea
all the past is stuffed in boxes
writings, notebooks, photographs, and paintings
what's to become of it all?
why did I even make all of it?

Rene Mayorga Paris 2013

NYACK, NY 2006

mojo nixon
 bebe rebozo
      karl
marx
 yer mom!
 my mom?
yer mom!

kick that guy when he's down

     he's always down
Woody Guthrie

  sing a lonesome tune

bomb Cambodia

going off to war!

  where's my skull ring?

you angel you

your guitar only has five strings
   two frys short of a happy meal
I'll have a cheeseburger!

 make me one with everything

steeped in profunktity
     the tea of dreams
                    moving from rocks to
trail
      sweating in a sweater
      eating trail mix
 and Pemmican
                the rules are not followed
                     oh ye of little faith
                                     borrowed tunes
and lemon
based
        
          say there's a
 fish
    and a not very accurate map

you can't get there from here
                            it's not in this town
                                             try the next town
                                                           who's driving this thing?

I'm forgetting a lot here
a while ago anyhow
      more sirens
                                
                         men in hazmat suits in Little Yosemite Valley

sliding down the cables
    she saw him fall

that sun is bright
                          another day

                                       and we'll drink beer
                                                   but not till we get back

                                                            I did see a fireball from the kitchen window
                                                                      maybe part of a rocket re-entering the atmosphere?

                 we'll go to the county fair
  and see if that carney guy can guess your weight

or we'll go play miniature golf!