I had a reservation at a hotel in Puerto Vallarta 

Showed up

and I realized whoa totally gay hotel

The receptionist dude touched my hand

and asked if SF is still a gay town

I was like yeah the Castro it's SF

Then my card got declined

Twice

I was WTF 

IVE GOT TONS OF MONEY IN THAT ACCOUNT

I called my bank and was told my card had been cancelled  

because they'd sent me a new card.

I was WTF. 

The card is good until OCTOBER!

His Pakistani accent said

I'm sorry there's nothing we can do who would you like to speak to now 

Umm your SUPERVISOR!

AFTER WAITING TEN MINUTES ON HOLD

THINKING IM IN FUCKING MEXICO

WITH NO MONEY

the supervisor said no your card is good

The other guy told you the wrong thing

The hotels system keeps kicking the charges back

I went to the ATM in the hotels lobby

and took out 5000 pesos

and then I told the receptionist

I'm not staying here

There was another guy at the counter who said 

He was being declined too

Same bank

I got a taxi and got the hell out of there