Gravy took a slug and passed the bottle to me.

"Fuck those commie ass-wipes."

"Fuck them!"

"How dare they try to kill us?!"

"Seriously! What did we ever do to them?!"

"Well yeah, I mean, we each killed a bunch of them, but besides that what did we ever do them?!"

"Right! Fuckers!"

Nearby a mortar exploded. 

I took a drink and handed the bottle back to Gravy.

"Here's looking up your address!"

Gravy laughed.

 Renee and I had a good lunch

I had a Caesar salad with chicken and she had a cheeseburger. She's so easy going. I was kinda nervous but relaxed pretty quickly. I didn't drink because I didn't want to be stupid. So I had a Diet Coke. She had a Bloody Mary. She laughed at my stupid jokes. She was funny and cute. I ordered a Modelo. 

 Green onions

Ginger. Serrano peppers. Chopped kale, mushrooms, fresh garlic, some kind of pasta- fettuccine I think and a bunch of fresh clams. I love clams. Yum.

 Jason called and left a message while I was out to lunch at Giono's.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I fucked up. Errol called me and he told me what's up. Thanks dad and I'm sorry... Donny fucked me over and I really didn't expect that. But shit is shit. But, thank you... for calling Errol. He said everything is cool now... We're at Chester's cousin's place in Missouri but we're bored of drinking shitty beer. I'll see you soon. I love you Dad." 

Click.

 After Korea 

I started writing to deal with the stress I'd encountered blasting Commies. I'd killed maybe a hundred and I couldn't stop reliving the encounters. But my writing came out weird and seemingly unrelated to what I was dealing with or the experiences I'd had. I can't  explain it. Maybe I was trying to just not deal with it. Does therapy help or is it just more reliving of the shit you're trying to get away from? Beats me but it felt good to just write and not think about the blood and death.

 I registered

   regurgitated

   the cracks

of consequence in a yellow balloon dream

    Steam streamed

on a sidewalk in Kalamazoo 

Michigan

Or the 51st company

  It was late

I thought steak and fries 

sounded good

I walked out

The neighbor's dog was loose again

He had to pee

 There was no hope in the Woody Allen dream

Like a dead shark this relationship has stopped moving

Still, though, the 'Orgasmatron' is working

as is The Orb

    Orc or Troll?

No, wait...

   We're about to perform the croning

from The Leaders nose

it's all that's left

  That and a 1966 VW Bug

it started right up

 The KPA

hit us again and again but they seemed lackluster like they were phoning it in. Years later we found outtheir supply lines were inconsistent and they had little ammo. But it was weird because they kept coming and they got gunned down. We heard from upstairs that we were going to mount an offensive. 

The guys were psyched. We were tired of sitting in these rotten holes. 

"Let's go fuck em up!"

Gravy said "What do you call a naked North Korean?"

"What?"

"A dead commie."

 I called Renee

She sounded happy to hear from me. I asked her about herself and we found out both she and my dad were from the same area. 

We talked for a while. She was easy to talk to and she liked to laugh. Some people you can just talk to, it's easy and they get your humor. It's not often you find people like that. Most of the time they look at me like wtf. Lol

We made plans to have lunch on Thursday at Giono's. I haven't been there in years.

 I'm drinking tequila and 

nibbling on magic mushrooms. I found a bag in Jason's room. Everything is okay. Maybe I'll put on that old BeeGee's album.

 Errol called

"Hey Robert. So I talked to my friend, Mr. Robertson. He said he knows that dude and he said he thinks the kid is a hot head. He doesn't think much of him but he said he'd talk to him and tell him to chill the fuck out."

"Why would he get involved?"

"He kinda owes me and he's not particularly fond of that guy. Ten to one he said he set Jason up so he could wring him for the money. He's done stuff like this before according to Robertson."

"Huh."

"Okay, I'll be in touch."

"Okay, and thanks Errol."

"No problem buddy. I'll talk to you soon."

 Jack was over

I pretended to be someone else.

"Hey, how ya doin? I'm Vinny! I'm from New Yawk, I'm here about the, the uh, the thing."

Jack looked at me like I was weird.

"No you're not! You're Mr. S!"

"I'm Vinny! I'm from NY!"

Jack laughed and laughed some more.

 Errol knew who I was talking about. 

"Jason's mixed up with that pos? Dang, dude that's kinda fucked up. That guy is serious trouble. He knows where you live?"

"Uh yeah. He and his buddies worked me over."

"Alright let me talk to somebody and I'll get back atcha."

"Okay."

 I don't know what to do

Why didn't he tell me he needed money? I've got some saved. Maybe I could help him out. The whole thing seems crazy. These guys are criminals. How could Jason get mixed up with their kind? It's nuts. 

I left him another message because he won't answer.

"Jason what the fuck is going on!! I'm sick of this bullshit.

How much do you owe these bastards? I've got some money saved maybe I could help you out. I sure as fuck don't like thinking they're gonna come busting in here again the little shits. Maybe I'll get some friends and we'll bust into their place. Errol's always good for a little fun. Who is the guy you owe money to? Is his name Donny? I heard you on the phone before you left. Maybe I'll find this Donny and blow his house up or his car. Little shithead."

Click. 

 I met a lady

At the SuperSave. She was having trouble with her groceries. I helped her load her car. She was very thankful and we got to talking. She lives in a house by the golf course said her husband died two years ago and her kids live a ways away. She laughed at my jokes. It was easy to talk to her. She wanted to thank me for helping her, said we should get lunch some time, her treat. I got her phone number.

 Jack's turtle

Jack brought over a turtle the other day. He told me his mom said he couldn't keep the turtle because he never fed the fish he had and they all died. 

"Jack! Ya gotta take care of your pets or they won't make it! Where'd you get this turtle?"

"My friend Robbie said his turtle had babies and he gave me one."

"Hmm."

"What's his turtle's name?"

"I dunno. I never seen it."

"Hmm. Well whatever. You can keep it here and we'll both take care of it, okay?"

"Wow. Thanks Mr. S! Do you think he'll like PBJ's?"

"He might. But we'll see what's good for turtles and feed him that, ok?"

"Okay! Thanks Mr. S!"

"No worries."

I love little Jack Jack.

 The KPA had pushed the UN forces back after repeated victories. 

Our leaders said this was where we would hold them. To the east we had the Sea of Japan and boats were bringing in our forces on a nearly daily basis.

The commies were intent on breaking our line and hit us with repeated assaults. We were losing guys almost as fast as we got new ones. 

Gravy and I weren't going to be trying to make any new friends. Unfortunately,  we were the new guys. Guys would be gone too soon and it was too hot and dangerous. We tread our lines cautiously and kept our heads down. 

We were assigned to an outpost and reported that night. It looked like shit. The Lieutenant was a guy named Casper and he gave us our watch duties. We had some grub and hit the hay. 

Gunfire and screaming woke us around 2:30 am. We jumped up and could see and smell the smoke and blood. 

"We're being attacked! Take the right side you two and shoot anything you see."

After twenty minutes of heavy fighting we'd lost half the company. The Lieutenant said "We're out of here. We can see there's a ton more of them headed our way. Randall will BT the premises after we're out. We're going downhill on left trail to join up with C company. Let's move!"

Gravy and I didn't need invitations. It was a mess. We grabbed our packs and headed out with the others. 

 I called Jason but he didn't pick up.

I left a message. 

"Hey kiddo, some guys busted in the house with guns and held me down and wanted to know where you are. I told them you left with Chester and you wouldn't tell me where you were going. 

How much do you owe these guys because they are talking about killing you if you don't pay them. How much? I don't know what you're doing but I hope you're okay."

I hung up.

I didn't know what to do but I'm going to keep the .45 handy from now on. If they come back in here at least one is going out with a hole in him.

 I decided to take the truck for a drive.

I'll go get some groceries. I'm sick of walking eight blocks to that little market on 4th street.

The truck was parked out back and I still had the old extra set of keys. The truck started right up. I turned on the radio and heard a tune about sweet dreams are made of these who am I to disagree. I rolled out onto the road and headed to the Super Save. It was a nice day. 

 The Battle of Pusan began in August 1950

Tens of thousands of UN troops - British, American, Australian and others were tasked with maintaining a line between North and South to keep the North (RKO) from going further South. 

It was nasty. It was hot and dry and the hills were pockmarked with craters and broken munitions. 

Gravy was my buddy and we'd been together since boot camp. 

"Are we gonna make it through?!l

"AWW HELL YES!"

But it didn't look good. We were getting the crap shelled out us. We were told to relocate to the eastern side. 

"I hope they know what they're fucking doing!"

 I woke up and said "Hey Jason

what's for breakfast?"

"I'm making coffee and oatmeal. You hungry?"

But I was actually still asleep. 

"Jason?"

 On Tuesday

 Jason left a day or two ago. He said he'd be gone for a while with Chester. Chester picked him up and they took off. They wouldn't answer any questions about where they were going or what they were gonna do. I was confused.

"Jason...?" 

But the front door closed and I heard Chester's El Camino take off. 

On Wednesday there was a knock on the door. 

"Hello?"

Three guys with guns pushed their way in.

They pushed me down and one sat on me and put a gun to my head.

"WHERE IS HE, you old fucker"

"He aint here."

"His trucks here!"

"That's my truck."

"Tell us where he went!"

"He wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't say nuthin."

"Who is he with?!"

"He left with Chester."

"What were they driving?!"

"El Camino."

They stopped and looked at each other.

One ran his finger across his mouth. 

"Okay you old fuck. If you talk to him tell him his shit is done. He owes us money and if we don't get it he won't want to be alive. Got it old man?!"

"Yes sir."

"GODAMMIT let's go."

They left and I picked myself up. There was blood dripping from my mouth and the side of my head hurt. 

'Fucking assholes.'

 I could hear Jason on his phone arguing with someone.

"I don't have it right now. Things didn't work out the way I thought they would! Donny ya gotta be reasonable give me a few weeks, you know I'll make it right!"

Then  

"Fuck, motherfucking piece of shit!"

He slammed the door to the bathroom.

Later I could hear him tossing stuff around in the bedroom. 

"Fuck! Where is it?"

When he came out I said.

"Jason what's going on?"

" Aw Dad don't worry about it. It's all good."

But I could tell it wasn't.

 They took my drivers license away based on my doctors report. 

So I let Jason have the keys. It was a good old truck- a 65 Chevy with a long bed with wood flooring. Pale blue dampened by the sun. Three on the tree. It would get you where you wanted to go. The wood flooring in the back was starting to go but I didn't pay it no never mind. My working days were done. I figured I had more money than time. I wouldn't be hauling much in that old truck.

Jason showed up two days later but he wouldn't say nothing. Just went in and fell asleep on his bed and was there for 18 hours. I made Chili can carne out of a can. I don't know what I'm gonna do about that boy.

 I emptied the gun

And oiled it up. It looked okay. I loaded it up and took it out back and aimed it the shed and pulled the trigger and blew a hole in the shed door. 

"All right, that works."

 

 Jack Jack was here today.

I fell asleep and when I woke up he was pointing the Colt Navy .45 at me yelling BANG BANG YOU'RE DEAD! 

"JACK! Give me that! Holy moly!"

"Where'd you find this?"

"In the other room"

The Colt was loaded and there was bullet in the chamber.

Luckily the safety was on or I probably wouldn't be here. 

"Jack this is a real gun. If you ever find another one don't ever point it at anyone, okay? These aren't toys and someone you care about could get very hurt. You promise me you'll never point a gun at anyone?

"Okay Mr S. I won't do that."

"Okay, good! You ready for a PBJ?"

"Yeah! Can I watch TV?"

"Aw heck yeah!"

"Is Andy Griffith on?"

"Maybe."

 I was in the Korean War at age fourteen.

They called me Bobby but I said don't call me that. Call me Robert. Bobby's die in war and I ain't gonna die. I joined early and my parents had signed the papers. They said I was eighteen but I was tall and could grow whiskers at a young age. I don't know why I joined up I was just sick of living a poor life in the middle of nowhere. School was okay but I felt bad being poor and not having any money. It wasn't easy. 

I liked being in the military. Everybody was equal. It didn't matter if your dad was a pig farmer or a lawyer. You were there and whattaya got. I got along good and made some good buddies. They sometimes wondered about my age but I could fight as well as most of them. I was big for my age. But I was also smart smart enough to know what's what and who's a dickhead. I made pfc in six months. 

We arrived in Korea in June of 1950 and it was hot. We didn't know what the heck was going on but we wanted to get into the shit. We soon would. 

We headed to Pusan in July.

 Jason hasn't been home for two nights

At least I think it's two nights. I found his phone number and called a few times but he doesn't pick up so I leave a message. 

"Hey Kiddo. It's Dad. Where are you? Give me a call. Okay, bye."

I guess I'll have hot dogs for dinner again tonight.

I'm not going to call the police. 

I wonder if there's any beer. I could use a cold one. 

I was in the Korean War. It was cold out there. I remember that. I wonder what happened to my

Old Navy Colt. Now that was a handgun. Maybe it's in my closet.

 I can't remember much these days

I used to have it all together. I did. Shit was there when I needed it. Now it's just a blank. I didn't need to write nuthin down. I stored it in my brain. But not no more. 

Even writing it down doesn't help. What did I write down and where is it? What was it?

I was born in 1937 at Gracie Hospital. Or so they told me. I don't remember it but who does? I got a newspaper my ma kept from the day I was born. The Star Tribune. A convict tried to escape on a visit to the same hospital from the State Penitentiary. A three time loser tried to overthrow his guard and got shot down by the same guard in the lobby of the hospital. The cover had a picture of the planter where the guard and the convict had fought. The plants didn't look too good. All mashed and crushed. 

I think they'll be alright though. Plants are pretty resilient.

I worry about my son Jason. He's a good guy but since Janey left he hasn't been the same. I'm not sure about his friends. They seem like drunk losers. All they want to do is party get drunk and fuck around. In my day there weren't hardly any time for that. You had to work and work hard and it was good. I'm not sure what's going on.

 Little Jack Jack

was spending some time at the house. His mom would bring him over when she needed to run errands or had to work and couldn't get a sitter. 

Jack Jack was about the easiest boy to babysit. He was pretty self reliant. We had a big old train set made of wood tracks and trains from when Jason was little. Jack loved to play with the trains. He would spend hours building elaborate train set ups and I didn't really have to do anything. I could watch tv or read the newspaper. Sometimes I even snoozed. 

Gisele, Jacks mom, would do chores around the house to make up for a lack of payment. She'd vacuum and clean the bathroom and the kitchen and do some laundry. It made life pretty easy for me. Giseles husband Kyle was in the military and was currently stationed in the Philippines. Giselle said she used to go with him on his stationing but she was done with that. She liked being home. 

I'd feed the boy lunch of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk. Easy peasy. Jack loved pb&j. 

 Jason's old truck

Well, it used to be mine- rolled up around 1 pm. It was bright and sunny and getting warm. He busted in and saw me and yelled "Hey Daddy-O! How ya doing?"

"My name ain't Daddy-O. It's Soren son of Sorenson."

Jason looked at me kinda confused kinda smiling.

"Dad, your names Robert."

"Aw hell I know that. Where you been?"

"I spent the night at Jimmy's. Me and him and Chester and a couple other guys got in a poker game and it went kinda late. I figured I better not drive three sheets to the wind."

"Hmm yeah good idea. Want some coffee, it's all made. Did you see Janey?"

"Dad she broke up with me last year. You know that."

"Oh dang I forgot."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. I'll find another gal. There's plenty of sea in the fish, if ya know what I mean!"

I didn't quite follow him but I let it go. 

Janey was a sweetheart. Jason had dated her for three years and she was like a daughter to me. She took care of his mother when she had come down sick. Mrs Sorenson hadn't been the easiest of patients but Janey had been so good. It was sad she weren't around any more. Neither of them.

"Why did Janey leave you, again? "

"DAD, give me a break. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry."

"Just let it be, Dad."

"Okay."

 Saturday

Jason was supposed to come home last night. He's not here. I guess I could call him if I knew where I kept his phone number. Ah heck,  he'll show up when he shows up. 

His mother would have been on the phone calling everyone. "Where's Jason?!" She'd'a probably even called the police and acted all sweet until they started asking questions then she'd get into her tirade and throw a saucepan out the back door. Those squirrels never knew what was gonna come flying out that back door. 

"I'm sorry Mrs. Sorenson. You've called us before said he was missing and then he was home a few hours later. If he don't get back after tomorrow you give us a call. Thank you, Ma'am."

Click

"GODDAMMIT!"

I decide to make a pot of coffee and maybe some eggs. I wonder if there's any eggs. 

 The Mercury is rising

I got nothing left to say

Everywhere upon this world

Has left me oh today

 The branch is breaking 

 Underfoot 

I see my fall is clear

I'll take you down with me

And you can be my dear

I rode the train to Wichita

I rode it all the way 

I rode it past the steer yard

And to heights I couldn't say

I rode it  past the workers

They had nothing left to say

 But now my train ridings done

And I'll go on my way

The window was still open

The rain was pouring in

The stove was cold

The kitchen too

 But Bonaparte sat in a chair

Smoking a cheroot

He hardly moved but 

Coughed once or twice

 His old grey coat was tattered

  And his shoes were worn thin

  He smiled at me and asked

Where the heck have you been?

I stole a mule in Pasadena

Ran a borax team in Death Valley

I'd wandered thru the PNW

THROUGH the rain and cold

I bet on horses in Tennessee

Married a gal in Saskatoon

But she's long gone

And here I am 

What time is it?

 The Sundry Transveyance

    Somewhere near nowhere

that's where you live

   time won't bother

     But keep an eye on gravity

   Organisms are kinda complex

 But dang a cold beer would be good

 about now

 "Curry Chicken and a Ginger Ale to go"

Is my next movie. Set in a tiny Chinatown restaurant.

It's a day where the sunlight is blazingly bright.

 The Gosvenor 

     imbued the 

foreign entities

   with a spatula 

Of death

   time was the garlic

    in the stew

   What did it mean to the burros?

    hay was hard to come by

   But the grass near the swimming pool

Was green and lush

  A pitcher of Tom Collin's

and a typewriter with a sheet of paper

sat on the table close by

 Treat the humidity

It's not the heat 

its the humility

 I had a thing for Caravaggio

   The lighting was so dramatic

Giorgione though had a feel for nature

   Pirandello? Nah

   Botticelli ? Iconic

   Peter Paul Rubens? Mm okay nice self portraits but no

    Pierro Della Francesca?

  Oh fuck yeah

    The master of comic novel portraiture 

 Plutarch was a regal cowboy

     His horse pranced

   But the knives were written

 I'm drunk

   See the King of the Tooth Pain

        SEE the King

    Be the King of the Tooth Pain

       Be The One That Lights the Way

 Be a plastic Chair from 1966

 Be the Mesa Verde ladder 

    That no one is allowed to climb

   Cuz insurance and shit

 Call me Rob Roy

   Or Banksworth 

The fruit of my fathers loins

   A product of schooling in two different states

   Once upon a time

   (Both have changed)

   The Oyster River Road Elementary School

in dang ole shire

   Nay not a hobbit shire

But a pseudo British New Hamp-Shire

that was then

   And then three thousand miles to the west!

    traversed with a mother and two older sisters

    inna red squareback

    We watched a man walk on the moon

    In someone's basement

    It took fucking forever 

Stayed in college dorm room that summer

found a Molotov cocktail

in the bushes whilst searching for a lost baseball

found a twenty dollar bill and various coins

In the hallway 

Probably dropped by a drunk summer school

rich kid forced to study

   Then to a town in the dry hills

Where the Govt had a Radiation Lab

  Formerly a Naval Airbase

A half block from the house we rented

from the Newkirks who were in Germany

Why? Who the fuck knows?

Half a block to 4th grade school

Almond Avenue Elementary 

   giant field with Almond trees

here and there

I cried

   I wasn't ready

  I didn't want to go!

 Sam Wo's

  Serving for 100 years

Old neon sign

  Tiny little place 

   But looked good

  Got Kung Pao Chicken

   and a Tsing Tao. 

no music

   which is a plus

dude came in and ordered Curry Chicken

 and a Ginger Ale

 to go

 It's kind of an endless loop

   But let's not get into that

Whrrrrrrr

     Whrrrrrr

Hydraulic lifts

       Via disposal technicians 

    Stop at 

Popeyes

   For two piece combo

W Dr Pepper

  Watched Being There 

last night w Peter Sellers

  and Shirley MacLaine 

  Chauncey Gardener

In DC

"Do you know Rafael? I have a message for him."

 The egg shells

are remaining

    like mass market paperbacks

  with their covers torn off

 Asimov

   Zane Grey 

   Romance novels

      Shit fantasy 

  Who am I to judge?

All my friends are going to be strangers

 Move

Like a radical leftie

Pitching woo ball

     to a dim sum 

        Creature Feature

   7th grade was a piece of crapola

     you hocked a loogie

    And frogs by the hundred thousands

      Came up

from "The Pit"

   large rubber bands 

   were politically incorrectly 

  used

 I once invited a radical leftist poet from Spain to Thanksgiving. 

We got a ride to my mom's house in the country with a  balding dude she was dating. He had worked at an engineering firm in SF. It was famous but I forget the name. Dude was from Greece or Turkey or both I forget what his deal was. 

He said when he moved to the U.S. it upset him that he  wasn't addressed as Herr Professor. He said they did so in Europe why not here? He said doctors here are referred to as Dr. why not professors or engineers?

My friend and I looked at each other like who the fuck is this guy?

Driving the roads out to the country he said if an innocent person were put in jail it was okay as long as it assured that no guilty persons went free. 

"Are you fucking kidding?! I don't think you understand how justice works in this country. A person is considered innocent until proven guilty. You just want to put in prison everyone suspected of a crime in order to make absolutely certain no guilty people remain free? 

The poet had been born in Spain and as a child had been one of Franco's Fascist Youth. He knew from Fascists.

 Outside on the sidewalk of

the Pompidou art museum

In Paris, France

        was Medieval appurtenances including;

                        A strongman with chains and weights

in a wife beater who had a corroded bald head;

                and another large balded man

         Perhaps his cousin?;

       blowing giant long flames

      from his mouth 

               after taking a swig 

    from a 

        see-through plastic container

            and lighting it as he blew

            

 Your talk 

was like an egg cream drink

       at Zelikov's on 34th St.

     it tasted good

   But no egg

               no cream

 There weren't 

much going on

   It was NYC

      in 1984

   My English 

                 were getting better

    and you're mom

                     had a basement apartment 

                in Alphabet City

 The Burden of Mexico Heat

    Like a Sam Shepard play

       with two brothers and stolen

                 neighborhood toasters

  

Rang

  

                      up yer counterweight argument

      but you tried

        a Chinese restaurant 

      goose one of many

                    hanging in the window

 I ran

      a featured embrace

       by the murdered children

        I tried

     but I'm not anything

      I ran a long race

        But who can stand up

        in the face of Government power

       I tried

          but what could I become 

        I kept my head low

         For fear of being shot off

             it's what they count on

          whoever THEY are

            but fight we will

 Crapper

Innate bro-heim 

   splayed out on the lawn 

      crying over the misfortune

         But laughing inside

            The white worm

        knows its place

      By the bottles

         out of the sun

      wearing polyester 

    tennis shirts with popped collars

       dreaming about a 72 convertible Corvette Stingray

        eating Jujyfruits

      watching all the Planet of Apes

    movies in theatres 

    It's cool and dark

    and they have candy 

     But Jimi Hendrix sez

       Are You Experienced?