Carnitas Regalo was the only child of a one eyed used car salesman and an obese polish hairdresser. His mother wore a patch where the bad eye used to be and drove a late model Toyota Corolla.
The kids made fun of Carnitas' mom.
"Hey Carnie, yer mom's a pirate. Does she have a wooden leg? "
His dad told him not to worry about those kids.
"They're stupid little shits. Don't worry about those little fuckwads."
Carnitas' mom gave him a specially made set of brass knuckles but Carnitas never used them.
The other kids he hung out with were cool and they told the dumbasses to shut the fuck up about Carnitas ' mom or they'd kick their asses. This seemed to Carnitas to be a good solution.

His dad's real last name was Regalozcyski but he changed it when he got out of the army.
"I was tired of spelling that shit to a bunch of dumb fuckwads." He told Carnitas after Carnitas had seen his dad's birth certificate.

"Why did you name me after a choice for a burrito?" he asked his dad.
"Look at me. I weigh 393 pounds. Carnitas is my fucking favorite!"

" What did you do in the army, dad?"
Well fuck that. Well, I was in the war ya know, over in Vietnam. You know about that, right? Vietnam? So anyway I was a radio operator for the 376th air platoon. We had to call in air strikes. Mostly napalm and long range bombing. But it didn't do any good. Them little fuckers were all underground in their fucking tunnels. Bunch of fucking vipers the VC."

Why'd you become a hairdresser, dad?"
"well I aint no fag but when I got back I gained a lot of weight and my mom, yer grandma Grace, worked at the beauty college and she said I might lose some weight being on my feet all day but I wouldn't have to do no heavy lifting or any of that. So that's what I did."

"Dad, what happened to mom's eye?"
You have to ask her about THAT."

One Night in Duluth

After his fifth rye Manhattan Larry decided he needed to pee. It wasn't a difficult decision but he chose to avoid the Men's room and go out and smoke and pee at the same time. In January in Duluth smoking is best done with something to occupy your mind. The cold air hit Larry as he fumbled with lighter.
'God dammit!"
The lighter fell in to the snow bank.
" Fuck I should have chose to pee under the street light."
Larry lighted the cigarette and looking both ways carefully dropped his pants just enough to get his dick out.
"Lum dee day, Lum dee dahdee day."
Larry had a good piss going when he heard a noise behind him. Right behind him.
"what the...?"
The blow caught him on the shoulder as he turned and grazed along the back of his head.
He spritzed sideways as he fell over a pile of a crusted snow left by the street removal crew.
A dude with a hunting cap and dark glasses was holding a long piece of what looked like an old broomstick and was coming at Larry again.
He jumped to his feet and reacted the best he knew.
He slipped on the ice as the dude swung the broomstick, missing.
Larry kicked the dude's knee hard and heard a crack as well as a loud scream.
"FUCKER!"
the dude screamed.
"yeah?"
"ya fucking broke my knee!"
Larry picked up the broomstick.
"alright dickface gimme your money."
"yer the one who's dick's hanging out.
Larry's pants were still hanging down.
"yeah gimme your money or I'll piss on your fucking head."
"fuck you"
Larry looked around. All quiet. No one had heard a thing.
"Lum dee day. Lum dee dahdee day."

He left his prostetic arm on the table and went out the back door.
A chill wind was blowing as he pulled the scarf round his neck and settled into the Passat.
Charlie was barking outside the car.
"Shut up you stupid dog"
He backed down the drive way with Charlie chasing, backed into the street and with a squeel of the tires left the dog behind. He sped up the hill past Jeanette's house and turned right on Elm. He stopped at the seven eleven and bought a newspaper, a pack of Marlboro lights, a bottle of Jim Beam and a can of ginger ale.
He drove the to the ball park,parked behind the Poplar trees, and sat smoking and drinking.
The newspaper sat untouched. At 5:25 Mr. Winterston appeared around the corner headed for his '83 El Camino.
He pulled the gun from his coat pocket, draped the newspaper over his arm hiding the gun.
He traversed the park and met Mr. Winterston at the concession stand. He loved the cherry snow cones.
"Why George, what are you doing here?"
The report echoed against the gym.
"Fuck you."
Mr. Winterston wasn't dead.
"George.."
The blood was spreading quickly. Mr Winterston's leg was twitching violently.
George dropped the gun in the snow and walked back to his car.

ocular
ocelot smelling up the place
and spending a goodly
portion of the day
fornicating
I really should be concentrating on something else
like sports
or the food network
or the sound of hypocrisy
outside it's raining but somehow
it's not peaceful
shame really
what a waste of a good rain
it seems mostly just obligatory
being March and all
and really it was now or never
and I knew it all along
when you sleep with the window open
you learn the months weather;
beware the ides of March

I've seen the unfortunate resurrection
binary as it were
and against my better judgment
left for the
unknown
biased
destitute
desultory
vagrant
morning
fucking sleep is impossible
after eating two quesadillas
I'm sorry but you need to learn to spell.

statutory Gleason
an Art Carney
of emotions
I'm honeymooning off the rose
I've got a hell of a sunburn
and it's starting to itch

so what do we do now?
pass the salt.

as the mirrorball floated past us
we threw our dying glow sticks
at the glitter clad divers
and made for the refreshments.

twenty seven
rivers
of death
a hundred cities
of wood
burned with kerosene bombs
flames and burning flesh
the rivers awash like a red plague
far down far down
the river
waiting in the grass

Rambunctious and his sidekick flo-bee
were nestled in the bosom of our lord, or rather
they were sleeping off a mighty
drunk at a curve in the river.
"Tonto"
"Yes Kimo sabe?"
"Is that that shithead R. Bunctious and his little butt buddy sleeping over there? "
"yes Kimo Sabe I smelled them after we pass great Oak"

"Let's go fuck their shit up!"

It's fucking raining out
I'm wearing the end of the world clothes
and smoking a Nicaraguan cigar which by the way I like to call a cheroot.
My local laundromat closed - I've been going there for twenty three years. Lost countless quarters
kicked numerous machines
error
error
and I've got a mountain of dirty clothes.
what's one to do?

Glory O
glory to the great GOD
the ONE
that eats at our SOULS
our SOILS
The ONE that EATS
like a Kimodo Dragon
in our caged
self
GLORY O
glory the great and Mighty
GOD
as he (YES HE, bitch)
hitches up HIS pants
after taking a mighty PISS
on the river of LOVE
GOD and LOVE are two completely different things.

On the plains the drifted
horse
a star at morning
and a burning farm house
he ran naked from the trees
and was shot
through the back
The arriving riders kept their distance.
One leaned to the other and spoke.
"We can be no help here, Tonto. Let's fuck off like right now"

After he washed the tomato beef chow mein stains
from the front of his uniform
he turned and shot the waiter in the leg.
"Let's go Tonto. This restaurant blows."

I perused
the atrophy
of endorphins
and belittled time
and time's soldiers
those forgotten sit coms
called your selves
you're too stupid to know you're stupid?
That's Science for you!
We know that we don't know why we don't know what we don't know.
what do we not know?
fuck you!

eat dust mother fucker!

as never
as usual
as the way a Japanese
cowboy
would sneer
and spit
in Black and White
and Garish Colour
panavision
pan atomic-X
the ribald piebald
fleeing godzilla on the
peninsula
yo tonto hold up
bitch!
fuck that white man and his panty
waist
bullshit

we're storming Mt Fuji
for a sno cone
and the monkeys
are stealing our souls
damn them
winter monkeys
in their hot
springs
just bring a me
cup of gunpowder tea
I'll be ok


I haven't worn these shoes before
but my feet are already
high fiving the bath tub

Fortooped
flebulae
motion wary
ambipoxtrous
incommodium
mirroring
the
non abrasive
desultory
munitions
of Bar Harbor

deep samadhi of emptiness

attainment without attainment

foe-destroyer
vanquisher of enemies
Oh "worthy one"
can you hack
views on the relative perfection
anyone who has reached the total awakening
probably needs a large coffee- vente, even
but is it hack time
I need Satsuma
orange perfection
under the Bodhai tree
being fallible and still subject to ignorance
see, I left the peel on the carpet
not pee
peel
peel me a river
without greed
stepwise fashion
aspiring for arhatship
set sail
watch the BOOM

tathagata
moon shine
shine
like a crisp ten dollar
BILL
BILL
me later
on the prairie
right now I'm dancing

IT's the Lindy
no the country swing

ryhmin to die
aint no never mind
smells like brownies
dammit
I'm hungry
blowed that boys head off
for stealing a pie

tathagata ain't home right now
he's um on third
level
ladies lingerie

I always wanted to yell that in the crowded elevator
Tathagata aint home right now
you best cleeeeaaaar outttttttttttttttttt

saying like the night
was your friend
and you had a brassiere on your head

with a morning hiccup
and starched knee joints
barreling through the
down lownsome and thinking
stuff

heliotropic
sensemilla
spinning
in some
boarded up
calliope
with a
moon beam eye
and a hiccup thigh
and twenty pounds of medicine

catching bye and bye
aint so hard
on the old S&P
ye skeedaddle this way and the ye
skeedaddle that way
for ya know it
the yard bull's on ya
but twenty pounds of medicine
goes a long way
up against your head