The cattywampus was

     Gobsmacked

         The forest was an army of Jim Croce records

      A Great Lakes varietal named Gordon who was a 

  wainwright sat starboard assessing heroin needles as 

a form of post hygienic deterioration conflux. 

  Alas, the trees were dead.

      Some parasite had taken root in the 8 track player of the trees. Maybe Bob Seger.