Someone should make 

Revisionist remakes of Tarantino's revisionist

movies which are closer to what would really have happened- the interlopers would be captured, tortured, and murdered and no one would ever hear about it.

 Who's there?!

Natecha 

Natecha? Natecha who?

Natecha! Ya know birds bushes sky air water rain etc!

Whattaya want?!

Did you order some air and water and stuff?

Umm Honey? Did we order some nature?

Um I don't think I did maybe one of the kids?

We didn't order anything

I don't care

You don't care?

I'm natecha I don't care about nuthin

Why not?

Why wood I? 

    Get it Wood? 

Okay thanks for coming by

We're always here but we're not always nice!

Is that a threat? 

Hah! Call the police! Natecha is threatening! They'll lock you up! No more natecha for you!

 I ran

through a primate contusion 

   Unparalleled by the current stock market

      the bewilderment of annoyance 

        were the every day clothes

   crying in coffee shops

   Is slightly unusual

    But sad

     I tried to use the computer

    But I couldn't do it

 And there was a weird dirty dude looking at me

Who asked 

  What are you looking at? 

I said

 I'm wondering the same thing

Fuck that guy

 French Fries

with chicken

     and cheese 

         and peppers

  Yum!

 I'm a cranky old fart

I don't like 90% of the music 

I hear in restaurants 

and it's invariably too loud

Grumble grumble 

modern music sucks!

 local barista

gal with a black 

FUN FACT

I DON'T CARE

t shirt

breaks into tears

about her absent dad

 A stream

 of phosphorescent 

        blues

        ran thru

                everything

     you are 

      the awakener 

      but your ass itches

     And you might have bugs

So do what the doctor says 

         spread that creme everywhere 

         and leave it on overnight

    And don't forget 

     to wash yr clothes

      and the bedding

 Mom's turning 94

 in May

I went online and bought

a 1964 Topps card 

of Red Sox player-

Carl Yastrzemski-

for her.

 Another Beautiful Day

   Sky's clear

   It's cool with a slight breeze

   coming off the Pacific

   Children are screaming

   and running 

   the shadows are hiding

   their secrets

   as you buy a bottle

   of booze

   And try to learn how to say

   Please don't kill me in Arabic

    "We don't say that, we just say

    don't kill me."

 There was a

frozen embryo horror

In yer pants

   So you stopped at Denny's

   and called your Congressperson 

   but the people in the booth

  next to you were too loud

    laughing and screaming

    about something the dog ate

your tears dripped

   on a Grand Slam breakfast

 They took my sandwich

   when I re-entered my country!

 a deli sandwich

    which will never be eaten

       ham and cheese

          and maybe a little mayo

      encased in a plastic triangle

      purchased at the inisuper

   missing a large M

(I actually purchased three of them

and had eaten two already)

   but I was willing to

  do my part to keep 

  our country safe and bacteria free

  I handed over the deli sandwich

without complaint

(I'd already had two!)

  and they let me go my way

without any further ado

   or bag inspection 

 

Serene

 

    by signs

     of ancient pools

         of stop signs

                  south of Napoli

    the cheap suit!

        the cardboard

                               against my stomach

        the Romany (Gypsy)

     children

        all sizes

                     grasping my arms

outside the train station

         in Rome

        The black ambassador

        saying

        "Don't take candy from strangers!"

      and actually meaning it

               after us (Jessie and I) seeing 

   a box of mewling 

kittens by the side

   of a busy

highway 

 entombed

   like Cespedes

Glory to the age 

     See 

    the dolly is for sale

    said the black man

    loading his cart

I bought Fuji apples

   instead

and 

   cheese

    and pork chops

      and raw ginger

    there's a new world 

around the corner

   

 

 My stomach felt bad

   pretty much every fucking day

so I went out

   In the fucking ninety degree heat

  Walked a half block

To the windowless Chinese restaurant 

Ordered a full order of Kung Pao Pollo 

with white rice steamed 

And a Victoria beer

  not sure what that is but

it was good -semi dark lager

Ice fucking cold

   food was good 

but so much

   para llevar 

"Por la cena?"

"Maybe late night"

 the street dog 

     white with dark tear marks

under her sad eyes

  She's kind of a fatty though

 They call her Gorda 

   I gave her some meat

      From my steak and eggs

  I don't think she even got up 

  Just devoured the steak pieces

   And then licked the sidewalk

 kicking back

head a little funny

   Zeus -ified 

   post-hamburguesa hangout

no chilis

  no poblanos

    no serranos 

I really should 

   motivate but I know it's fucking hot out there

and it will

  beat me down

also no shade at this hour

the sun is directly overhead

 who had 

  a longer time

with Herculaneum

 tithing

     A vorpal blast 

From Dairy Wueen

   And Bob Dylan lyrics

      About a volcano

    It can't all be 1985 Linda Street

And it certainly

Will never be again 

 I had no hope

   not even any dreams

Not any more

I guess it's a little late

  For that

They wanted 950 pesos for a ribeye

That's like 55 dollars

 There was a huge table 

probably a wedding group

and multiple other tables near me

  They were all waiting for their food 

I said no 

Yo pagare para los bebidos y voy a salir 

   I came across some guys drinking beer

at a hamburger stand on the sidewalk

 I got a cheeseburger w raw onions mayo and some diced 

peppers

  Yum!

80 pesos! 

 Cheap!

 The mirror 

  

   was a Bergman movie

at a cinema in Harvard Square

 I think it was Fanny & Alexander

 Some time

    with palm trees 

   and it's freaking hot

      the sun is blistering

  I'm really doing nothing

    drinking tequila 

In an air conditioned boutique 

   hotel 

I walked a mile or two to

get chinese food

  It was a huge plate of food

  No one else was there 

It was so good 

 Dang! Yum!

 Sucking on 

   Walgreens nicotine lozenges

In my dark air conditioned cave hotel room

In Baja 

and drinking tequila

All the workers must think I'm nuts

Every time I walk out they're looking at their phones

while picking their nose

It's a "Boutique" hotel

It's very clean 

AC on Turbo! 

It's fucking hot out

I had an idea I'd change my name!

to... 

    Hugo DeNaranja? (Orange Juice) (it's so good down here)

-  at least the room is clean 

She folded my clothes

And lined up my toothpaste and sunblock

I told the maid she could clean

She's always smiling- for real

She seems so happy

Alejandra

  "Voy a somewhere"

She laughed 

  So I went out for breakfast (was it oatmeal?- at some point I was like I need healthy food!) and then waited in

line at the Turistica Aguila bus station

-crowded on a Friday am 

I like bus stations - it's been a while

Large woman with a tiny little boy 

(He's all go go go!)

In front of me -she's trying to manage both

 Boy started crawling behind the luggage counter

Mom grabbed his shirt and dragged him back

like a fat lion w a pesky cub

Meowrr!

Next woman had an array of 

xeroxes in a folder

I think ID photos 

Buying tickets for a group. 

Gal who helped me was very nice

and worked with me even though

no puedo entender nada

(my standard ice breaker phrase- yo soy Americano, no entiendo nada!) Lol

 I slept

thru the blazing sol 

    drank a doorbell worth of

     don't forget tequila

       ate fried oysters 

         Thinking clams in Massachusetts 

            Got annoyed with some 

   dreadlocked dude

Asking cash or card

   before showing me the bill

How could he?! Lol

    Cute gal brought the bill 

I said I'll pay w moolah

  She laughed

Nos vemos!

               

 Steps are squandered

   in baja concrete

Yer mom

    and pizza wings oysters

Tequila

   Chili lime

   the lost days 

of blah

Blah

Blah

   Taxi 

Stand 

       Graffiti 

DOPE

    eyeballs crying

in Mason pyramids

   airliners with a 

Giant Ram watching

  Decayed old hotel

Los Arcos

   abandoned and garbage 

   razor wire 

No estacionarse 

Policia

   Shake down

tourist 

For peeing in a dark alley

    2000 pesos 

or 36 hours in jail

   Off we go to the Mezcaleria

  and birria torta

   

 Oxxo

   closed

opens 7 am

 So much for that idea. 

 I left the AC 

  on Turbo when I went out

the little room is like a

refrigerator now

It's a little chilly

 don't leave the sun

    in a lonely place

it will burn your teeth

  Said the Prince of snot

Hack- toooey

  He spit on the sidewalk

 Three dogs lay under benches

sleeping 

  The beautiful bag had many junked sailboats

from a monsoon a few years ago

They lay like whale carcasses in the water

 Cocodril 

  restaurant is deep fried fuckstick

No Pacifico

 Twice wali ordered beers on the menu

but they didn't have them

Twenty minutes we sat there but she never came

back for our order

We left 100 Pesos and went down the road

 in a Transylvania mirror

   I wasn't there- but the mirror

wasn't either 

   but my dad was

  and now I look like him

 How long until 

I don't know

your name

street names

phone numbers

what email is

"Take Fen-Tone"

(They took his drivers license away)

  and every time I have ice cream

 it's like I never had it before

 The seance

   was banal

Definite lack of booze

            Spine tingling

         orchid face

       on a sobriety kick

         Sometimes I wish the ocean would

  just rise up 

  and carry everything off

 

 Cool kids

    In La Paz

Octopus mojo de ajo

  the garlic is toasted just right

and there's plenty of it 

 It's like a garlic bagel

But it's a plate sized whole octopus

 It's yummy

Beautiful day

 Lunch at Estrella del Mar 

   sitting on the covered deck 

With a grande margarita

Waitin for W and crew 

    There's the little dingy 

 Fully packed

3 people and a dog

It's very slightly overcast

   Just enough to make the light

Very nice 

The kind of light photographers

Would pay for

 

 I'm bored

In a cave in Mexico 

the AC is blasting I'm drinking Jimador tequila

I like motorcycles

But get them (the fuck) out of here 

What's

  This 

  Hotel 

Part 

Garage?

   Here's good water

And here's a Kawasaki kR-5

With tourniquets 

 For off road 

     Bloodletting 

   Please fuck and or A 

      Are they staying here? All nine motorcyclists?

Or is just motorcycle rental space 

    You can't smoke but you can park your 

motorcycle in the patio 

  I should break off

all their spark plugs

For crack pipes

   

 saw a beach dog 

after dinner - he seemed nice

had a big dick and balls 

you don't see that that often 

in San Francisco

that gets cut right off

Outside Oxxo there was a big pile of

crunchies for him - nice that

someone feeds him

 Left the house

(After a freaking cold night where two heaters burned out -not sure what's going on there- bad surge protector?- supposed to plug heaters directly into the outlet because they draw higher current?- Warning!)

Got up at 6:30 to get to the airport at 8:30

(Early) for a 9:30 loading

More like 10am

Flew 3+ hours to Cabo airport 

which is like an hour from Cabo

Oh and fuck Sammy Hagar Cabo wabo

Van Hagar the Horrible

Taxi took me to the wrong bus depot 

And lied (fuck stick)

And I gave him a 100 peso propina 

They were like you need to buy another

ticket cuz you never would have made it

To the bus you reserved (I'd left an hour and twenty minutes between the plane landing and the bus leaving)

"The bus right there is leaving in 15 minutes 

And is going where you want to go"

Beautiful young woman waiting for a bus outside

And talked to a guy eating Doritos

And a green PowerAde

Who had lived in Hercules and Pinole

Waved good bye to him 

Both of us laughing

Bus ride was cool along Baja Pacific Ocean shore

With tons of saguaro millions of saguaro billions

And billions

Of our lady of Guadeloupe - saguaro

Assemblage like phony cartoon

Meep meep 

Wile E. Coyote

cactus and the bus played a strange 70's like

movie about a woman with an old camper 

all overdubbed in Spanish with very loud bird chirps

And mellow country tunes 

I couldn't tell what they were talking about

but I think that made it better?

But the estimated arrival time was like fifty

minutes over and I was done

F'ing done 

tired and hungry waah poor me

And just wanted a cold shower and 

A margarita and a steak and a cig

Mexico

 Now we're headed north 

On th hiway

the movie's still on

Definitely dubbed w Hispanic ladies voice

The sun is off to our left

Coming thru the dark blue curtains

I have no idea what they're saying

 eating some leftover Popeye's

on a bus in Mexico

taxi from airport took me 

to the wrong bus station

He knew what he was doing 

or maybe he didn't 

Who the fuck knows or cares

There was another bus going where I wanted to go in 15 minutesw

Another twenty bucks for a three hour drive

Practically empty bus

Got in and fell asleep

Woke up half hour later at the station

I thought the taxi would take m

Ate some Popeye's and a western-y Winnebago

movie in Spanish with country songs

Looked kinda like a Mexican breaking bad

But with the guy from Paris, Texas

And a blonde worn out lady lead in a Winnebago 

Lots of bird chirps loud and more country tunes

 Green Gables

and non essential oils in the  

Wayfarers wandering

Sometimes things just don't work

no rhyme or reason

Well there's probably a reason

even if you don't know what it is

-maybe the extension cord is fried

And it fried the heater

and it fried the one you bought to replace it

Who knows?

But you don't have a heater

My housemate hasn't paid his share of the utilities 

In months - why? I really don't want to ask

I don't get it

No rhyme or reason

But I don't care

I'm going to Mexico tomorrow

Hasta la bye bye!

 Driving through

the myriad proboscis known as

peanut butter life- are you crunchy or smooth?

 Does it matter? I think not

Where's my car parked? 

Somewhere in Oakland!

I'll never tell

 A torrent

of hibiscus was preeminent 

    the steps were steep

    and the garbage was piled at the street corner

as usual

    We walked past Don Pedro's old torta shop

  But it was locked

He had died ten years before

No one knew what happened to the

sisters who made tacos and sold them for 75 cents

on the street corner 

Also gone: the little family restaurant

and the mountain bike shop

and the abandoned old lot with piles of basura

and overgrown weeds

  - now a multi-storied condominium building

painted white and blue

With fancy flowerpots 

 There werent enough 

   hamburgers to fill Z-Heaven

so we drove across the street

 to Taco Mac Rico 

 Z-Heaven called to find out  

what happened to us

We apologized profusely and lied about a

  minor medical emergency

"My wife's pregnant and we had

to get her car out of this bad neighborhood"

 I drank a maitai

   with a cactus pimiento olive

the lady at the bar said it would be good

 Later we went back to her place

    But I puked all over her Oriental rug

I blamed the pimiento

She kicked me out at 4 am 

Luckily I found my glasses 

  New Years Eve

2010

For the record

 I'm 

on summer vacation

skipping stones and eating 

Hot dogs 

 Goodyear's cousin Grou-Cho 

Had a thick black mustache

And would frequently carry a large fire stick of the sacred 

To-Bacco. 

He was a smart talker and had a few younger brothers. Harp-Oh

And I can't remember their names but two others. 

Grou-Cho would frequently say

"That's the craziest thing I ever tipied!"

Whilst tapping the fire stick. 

Harp-Oh never spoke but would play a

drum to replace his inability to speak. He also wore a large grey trenchcoat taken from a Norwegian fur trader lost in the far reaches of Minn-esota. 

The braves were unlike others in the tribe and were known to confer with an Eastern tribe; the Vaud-Villes. They would disappear into the Poke-Eno's and the Cats-Kills for several months during the tourist months. 

 Chief Diatribe was opposed 

to his son's trading ways. Diatribe considered all

earth to be free to the sons of the sons of the sons. He considered Uknowitall's land to be sacred and if any of those scabies ridden Uwannasoak's came on his property he'd torture them slowly before having his braves cut their "balls" off. 

"Uwannasoaks are a primitive venous people who will sleep with elks." 

"Dad, the white men are the true devils! They bring duplicitous glad tidings and disease ridden cloth to kill us and take our land! We must unite with the Uwannasoak to fight the white man!"

Diatribe's hatred of the Uwannasoaks stemmed from a 7th grade tournament of "Elkhead" where his tribe lost due to suspect officiating.

"Never" he thought

But to his son he said "Perhaps you are wise my hook nosed son. Although I find the Gefilte fish repellant on this matter I will work with you."

But he had other plans. 

 Chief Diatribe's son

Was named Goodyear but it was a bad year, the year he was born. It snowed in July. The Medicine Man was called Mayo Clinic. No one in the tribe was sure exactly why. 

Mayo tried to put a good spin on the Chief's first born. 

"At least he's not Jewish."

Although he was not unaware the mother's surname was Silverman he assumed it was a mineralogically based spiritual name. 

"Pure as .925 Mexican silver!"

Goodyear soon showed his true colors cracking wise and investing in Remington futures.

"Dad, I traded 3 lakes and 83 "acres" for a fifth of a point on Remington futures. So far we've earned $8,011.73! "

"Son, the beaver blocks the stream to create the lake where he builds his home."

"Yeah but how much money does that beaver make? All that chewing and gnawing? He may as well work at Wendy's!"

His father was unaware of such a fast food establishment.

"Have it your way, son. Special orders don't upset us."

 Chief Diatribe

 was a well liked Chief of the Unowitall tribe of Northern

Minnesota. Other tribes didn't bother them much because "what do they have besides scrawny beavers and fat elk?"

Chief Diatribe was the king of scornful refutation. Legends were created around how he could turn mild discourse into ego fracturing discourse. Some said he could vanquish enemies without even fighting let alone talking to them. Some said his father mated with a scorpion others said they did not know what a scorpion is but he, the father, not improbably, mated with a hook nosed foreigner named Tyrannia Marx, who had briefly stayed with the tribe whilst selling glass beads and half shares of time shares in a place called Flo-Rida.

 I tried on some Wranglers

but it just wasn't to be

There was, one morning 

When I was a teenager, 

a full size plastic horse

at the school bus turnaround 

It was where I got the bus to school

I recognized the horse

"That's the horse that's always in front

of Baughmann's Western Wear in town"

I said to no one

A couple days later it was gone

Back to First Street and Baughmann's

I always identified with that horse

Years later I told that story to a clerk at the store

She said a lady in a wheelchair tried to

steal it last week

The horse is on a wheeled platform

And she tied it to her wheelchair and was headed

down the street

 There was a forensic cowboy movie

Shot in Arizona

It starred a Saguaro cactus

It was called 

"Johnny Saguaro!"

He didn't act much 

He was kind of an actor like the guy

who sang in Cool Hand Luke

The Man with No Eyes didn't sing

and it wasn't Paul Newman

I forget his name

 I was 

blathered 

battered 

flattered    

by the strength of the sun

     so I drank Tequila 

like it was any other day

   lime cayenne chips

  while playing Texas Hold Em

On my phone

 I think

   I thought 

I saw

   a nine headed yesterday

   With eyes of the future

      excalibrating as if the Dalai Lama

        Too much!

      Dial that back

        A Yeti in Tibet 

      Was encountered by Cuthbert 

   Captain Haddock

  Thought it was the whiskey 

"Blistering Barnacles!"

"Oh my beauty past compare

    these jewels bright I wear!"

 I was

   mesmerized by a 7-Up

entranced by Frito Lays

   Born to the Television Black and Whites

On UHF 

  and VHF

South of that town in Mexico

Oh we went to Ensenada

I think my parents

 Were surprised at how shady it was

Dude with twenty watches on each arm

Trying to sell

 "Dad, why didn't you buy a watch?"

"I have a watch."

 A breezy

chaotic idea of 

gravity- 

  dark matter does not exist-

So quit trying to blame it

  Every time you drop a galaxy

--- to be continued, ad infinitum

 The movement

was fragile

         seemingly coherent

      yet roundly

                   under appreciated 

the face 

was sad

      Poor face! 

   Gosh life's hard

    When you have to eat at 

Wendy's

And drive a year old RAM

truck

     

 I managed

A thousand

   wtf's

  across a barrier

Of human interactions

People talk about people

Nature doesn't talk about people

Trees don't say nuthin

At least to us

Rocks stare stoically but rarely a peep

Sometimes they crash down on people

But that's just bad luck

Grass flowers bushes dirt water ice etc

What are they saying?

Have a good day!

 I'm weary

just tired 

    of everything

   I wonder  why

           Maybe the booze     

      And cigs

     And aging

     And potato chips

Could be

Could be

 Sometimes

You have no idea

           But what the heck?

                   You could be a shiny raincoat 

But you're not

          You could be a

         Tv show

         Entertaining

           millions

But you're not Lucy

         Or Louis CK

          Why are some people funny 

But then they're not?

           You have ideas

      But we're not 

   gonna talk about that now 

 I dreamt of chipotle

      getting its heart ripped out 

at the arc of the pyramid

   Its lettuce ran down the steep stairs

 We wondered why 

  "To appease the gods"

Was their standard reply

  Moctezuma's revenge

Ain't no lie

 Splayed

    in a remorse

of self attuned 

    hyperventilating in a casual

setting 

  try the Caesar salad

  with Rubicon dressing

You can't go back 

   Yes that's the story

       I'm sorry 

          But I had chicken salad on rye

  And a Dr Pepper

  On the shoreline cafe 

   in Iowa

 It had plenty of onions

 Ya can't oh never mind

    Drain the Methuselah 

arrive in platinum caresses

       join the rest - be the 

crown

    star struck

   and purposeful 

with new socks pants and shirt 

be kind of quirky

  but not wired

on a stick 

  or a thespian

   or a boatload of speed

 

 every day I get a bottle of tequila

and I drink it until the witches come out

they say I'll wash my hair

but they never do

they say

this is my dog I love him

But he bites my leg

He's part German Shepherd 

Part Cerberus

The tequila says get away from that dog!

But he's kinda sweet

And the torn flesh 

Doesn't hurt that much 

Sweet puppy!

 don't wander in 

  the deserted desert

peyote eyes 

   you may get lost

or find yourself

   without a hope

 your ego wandered off

   you found a talking iguana

and every word was a cascade 

of kinetic pyramids 

   your blood was green and yellow

    and cold roses

 spelled out the route to the edge of the seventies style

 neighborhood and now an empty field

     -and with two friends you sat in the 62

Ford named VYL

   a four door

listening to the echoes

echoes 

    echoes

        echoes

following behind

   as you traveled thru

space/time

 continuum 

behind a space wandering big rig

   And talked in recognized

cycles

"What if the cops come?"

"Here we are again!"

 Watch

   

    trip yr brains out

        sweet

       marigold

stationed 

 in a train station 

     outside

                     Constance, AZ

       drinking

Fanta orange w tequila

and eating tortillas 

     W pollo and Pipian mole

                           crying for your lost self

later

much later

      but Dad won't talk

                    Except about his hyundai 

    You turn the AC

      on and fall fast asleep

 sorrow in Japan

   Well not anymore

The husband 

And the meth head son are gone

  He was a good kid

Good looking

 Positive

But man 

He couldn't stop-

Drove his parents nuts-

   Refused to take his meds

"I don't feel like myself"

Yeah well yourself is driving everyone crazy

Thought he was smarter than everyone

She moved and didn't tell him where-

What can you do when someone doesn't want help?